Archive for June, 2017

2017-06-27 – Don’s passing

Wednesday, June 28th, 2017
 
The soft comings and goings
   the sounds of bodies falling
      the urge to cry.

But who are we to resist
   and who would listen?

We hold each other
   against the pain
knowing someone else now
   has no one to hold.

Colette said that when someone dies
   you think that if you go out
everything will have stopped
   the stores, the cars, everything....

But they all go on
   and then in your grief
you know
   just how small any of us are.

Gallagher
27Jun2017
Christchurch

— Copyright 1965-2017 by Dennis Gallagher —

2005-10-22 – Kato’s dream

Wednesday, June 28th, 2017
 
I dreamt of Kato - five years on -
walking by the old house through the rusting autumn leaves
limping with one fore paw especially sore
but good natured and loving to the very end.
 
We were playing - with me hiding and him slowly seeking -
I walked through the leaves by the creek below the house
thinking he would see me, but he was slow
and I made it to my hiding place
but he sensed me then and came direct.
 
I saw him awkwardly trying to come down a slope
and he fell and rolled but stood again
still happy in the search.
 
There was an old man there who greeted Kato
and walked with him to where I stood from my hiding place
and he said I should say hello to "this wonderful dog".
 
I woke then and the loss and the memory
filled my eyes with tears.
 
Kato, Dear Kato - How I loved that dog without reservation
and how good natured and loving he always was in return
I pray I may find him and Misha and Panda on the other side.
 
Five years, and Kato's loss can still make me wake in tears
love is such a beautiful and painful thing.
Be well, beloved Kato.

gallagher
22Oct05
Monroe

— Copyright 1965-2017 by Dennis Gallagher —

2002-03-29 – Along the Way

Thursday, June 29th, 2017

I’m having a hard time dealing with what I’ve been asked to do. Or maybe, I’m having a hard time dealing with what I’ve asked to do.

I can’t tell the difference from one day to the next.

One moment, I’m choosing and the next I’m resisting.

I think, “it’s hard here – why me?”

And the next moment, I know this is the only path worth choosing – all the others simply slow the journey through llusion, avoidance and denial.

I pray for this and I scream from it.

Not my will but Yours.” is the suicidal vow of the little i on the journey towards its own end. A journey that only just begins with the assertion.

It begins and gapes and gets behind you and crawls into your emotions whispering terror. No crowd and hangman await, simply the mundane; legion and pointless – mocking your ego, your sense of purpose and destiny, your dreams and hopes.

Sometimes, I feel like I’m holding my breath and impatiently waiting until I can do what I want and these insidious delays are taunting me. I get angry and my will tenses and gathers like a cat ready to lash. Other times, I become depressed thinking that I’m weak and indecisive because I cannot break these cycles.

Who asks this…who knocks there…me or God, we or I?

I’m lost in the mirrors of this place dreaming of some beyond. Sometimes, the mirrors capture me and I’m in a bad dream and someone is wondering why. Whatever someone hopes for, someone has already given away. If I remember, I know i can expect nothing. And if I forget, it’s all taken from me.

One cannot come here lightly; only dying all the way.

gallagher
29Mar02
Monroe

— Copyright 1965-2016 by Dennis Gallagher —