SamadhiMuse » Lise

1984-04-23

Dennis — Mon, 23 Apr 1984 08:00:00 +0000


 
              I spent the afternoon unmoored;
              driven before the pressured storms.
              deadlines, complexity, frustration
              my centeredness ebbed, ...naked

 
              So what, here, now, as the evening falls?
              and Vollenweider's music plays
              and Gerda's letter lies on my floor
              and, perhaps, Lise will call.

 
              So what, here and now...
              Am I that manager, that programmer
              am I those tasks undone
              or Dick Pick's condescension incarnate?

 
              I am the father of my children
              the writer of poetry
              the lover of some women
              and a seeker of God in this world.

 
                              gallagher
                              23 apr 84
                              Irvine

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-04-25 Lise

Dennis — Wed, 25 Apr 1984 08:00:00 +0000

Lise

Come burn me down
amid music and pillows
dusky eyes and dim light
smiles burning engraved

words like chance strangers
wandering between wider forms
of that feeling current
the silence communion dances

Lise comes from a time of grinding changes
that bay at her doors these days
they hem her and bind her, mocking her dreams
with endless vistas of worst to come

But here where we can own our hours
I find her beyond those definitions
strong with the wisdom born of struggle
and blessed with a spirit that will survive
she still knows how to play.

gallagher
25 apr 84
irvine

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-05-20 Lise II

Dennis — Sun, 20 May 1984 08:00:00 +0000

Lise II

I long for visions and connectedness
stare at people as if to see their souls
wait on the silences within me
to reveal some spiritual guidance
and find…
Lise on my phone in the afternoon.

I’ve been waiting for more
when I should’ve been
giving what I have away.

That I can speak to her need is a treasure
that I can feel her spirit there inside of her
shows my learning is here…

That I can share the joy I long for
sing the words I want to hear
offer the compassion I love
this can be my only gift

Believe my friend, believe…
for you make me believe.

gallagher
20 may 84
Irvine

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-06-14

Dennis — Thu, 14 Jun 1984 08:00:00 +0000

             Sometime when I hear the stories
             of how people abuse themselves
             and others
             I just want to hug someone
             and disappear down the well
             of that feeling
             And not return to here
             where we make such a mess
             of something as simple as love
             Lise can feel that hug
             and that’s what I treasure
             in her
             Like a note that makes you ache
             to the bone
             she can meet me there
                        gallagher
                        14 june 84

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-06-16 Lises Birthday

Dennis — Sat, 16 Jun 1984 08:00:00 +0000

Lise’s Birthday

I’m puzzled at how I can pour myself so fully into another and come away
so empty. The moments begin with such magic and end with me feeling so
drained. I long for the immersions. To break through, if just for
hours, into the space of another. But this landscape I’ve found is so
riddled with contradictions. openness, strength…the sure knowledge
that what we are is not at risk if we risk. Against this the jaded lack
of investment and the retention of deep control. A dance of incredible
contrasts between true feelings and true callousness. It strikes me
that God, once again, has sent me a mirror of myself to gaze into. I’m
not sure how it all fits together. I’ve opened together with another
before and felt joy and growing. Have my motives changed or is it she?
Even as I write I form my answer. I think its she. Its worked with too
many others; that opening and giving has given me more than I gave. With
her my compassion empties into her as if she were a bar across the poles
of my battery. And I wonder if I understand who I’m dealing with. Her
life seems to draw so much misfortune to itself. All driving pressures
to beat her down…and she, like steel beneath the woman, bears it with
grim tenacity. Darkness in her eyes and her skin and her karma. Her
history a battlefield of confrontations in a lustier vein than mine.
Nothing subtle, just brutality. I feel like some half grown do gooder
gaping at a soul being hammered…unsure of what I see or why its
so…guidance and growth raining like stones from above. I’ve always
sensed the power of her soul and seen the violence of her karma. Now I
begin to sense what kind of soul could draw such lightening into it’s
life. Her husband, Phil, so into spiritualism these ten years, playing
games far beyond fair or reasonable; knowledge not come to fruition,
cloaking evil terror. But this is what she tells me. How should I know?
Something drew them together, wedded their lived and gave them each to
the other. Games with the minds of his children, threats of suicide,
violence and physical domination, psychic draining and forcing. All
these weapons whirling in wicked arrays. And she survives. She knows
instinctively about spiritualism. Does she give back his physical and
intellectual domination in other ways? Has she enslaved his soul through
love? She told me she’s felt evil come to her twice. Skin crawling
permeation of her mind and perceptions and of everything around her.
Breath shortening and a deep animal fear clawing. Objects diffused with
evil like a cloud…the room filled, the feeling unbearably tangible.
What do I sense in her from what I’ve seen and heard? I’m still not
sure. I remember Tarot cards told me to stay away from Tarot cards, but
why that connects, I’m not sure. I don’t think I’m in any danger of
being overcome. But what is my purpose here if not to share openness?
What ever I do seems so ineffectual against the stories running through
her life. Perhaps, I’ve met a spiritually advanced soul who’s not making
it this time around and whose spiritual depth so far exceeds my own that
I’m like a child watching an adult and offering irrelevant advice.

gallagher
16 Jun 1984

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-06-16

Dennis — Sat, 16 Jun 1984 08:00:00 +0000

Lise came to dinner with me last night
and I ignited like a bulb
spirit glowed and our eyes echoed each other

She spoke of twice she had felt deep evil
much as Elmer had described long ago
the musician played and enchanted me
and I wrote a poem about Lise and I

She came and we made love
when John had retired
and I learned much about her
from her lovemaking
and remembered Rose

She slept as I read her friend Debbie’s poetry
and then we made love again
cardboard gestures trying to capture
our spirit illuminations, …she left

Risen to work and then lunch
I was drawn to a node with Lynne
and Dave came and was my catalyst
later, as he suggested, I called Lynne
and cleared my Karmic scoreboard
and avoided lying to Rose

Work was depressing so I came home
and I finished Demian by Hesse
and lay down and let myself float
36… and 35’s gone,
and I’m still unfocused
youth’s gone and so, too, the excuse
that I have much time to learn

Cardboard lovers, lies, alcohol, dissipation
memories of Canada and mountains and blue skies
the wind from my patio
blows cool and pensive.

gallagher
16 Jun 84
Irvine, CA

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-11-27

Dennis — Tue, 27 Nov 1984 08:00:00 +0000

There’s something here with Lise.
Perceptions cast against the backdrops
of our agings and experiences
mourning patience against the morning light
Warm smiles that have seen much
shared stories of families and our lives.
The flicker of low fires against the wind.
Honesties and compassion
realisms and understandings
born of the child’s long passage
thru the others and our years
no longer preparing to conquer the world
but still deeply pressed into living it.

gallagher
27 Nov 84

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1984-12-14 For Lise

Dennis — Fri, 14 Dec 1984 08:00:00 +0000

For Lise

Somewhere she touched me
and led me new
thru smiles and feelings and honesty.

Now I wait on her smiles
and feel each moment with her
pregnant with the joy
of breaking new ground.

gallagher
14 Dec 1984

1985-02-13

Dennis — Wed, 13 Feb 1985 08:00:00 +0000

She works hard here in America
raising her boy between shifts.
The French songs take her back;
she lies on the floor and goes 15 years…

Paris in the summer of her 17th year.
Songs and music and magic,
passion in the air
as rich as the voices in this music.

A woman of 35 now with that same passion
lies transported with memories
and me, I can see that girl in this woman;
I feel her there and here.

She’s across those years now, away from me
but I’m glad to catch her anywhere.

gallagher
13 Feb 1985

– at Lise’s

1985-02-13

Dennis — Wed, 13 Feb 1985 08:02:00 +0000

Lise…
The thought of her
is becoming magic.

Her eyes and skin
and spirit begin to pull at me
with an anticipation
born of love.

Smiles now burn at the thought of her
and the feeling inside
when she looks at me
is such a deep echo.

gallagher
13 Feb 1985