SamadhiMuse

                                #113

                  I see it in the free wind
                  and expect it in my thoughts
                  my feelin’ of your mind and ways
                  as a warmness I have sought.
                  With face drawn by boredom
                  and mind unused I rest,
                  some quite thought of your feelin’
                  passin’ through my rest.

                                      Gallagher
                                       8 Dec 68
                                       Matagorda Island, TX

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                              Rose

            My enigma, my joy, my mirror
            my mind apart from me
            filling my hours with only herself
            never faking it for me
            her steady regard, belief in me
            provide my mind a rest
            from all those who think to hurt
            and feel our lives are tests
            I value her faith and strive to be
            all that she believes of me
            and she, in turn, with a life her gift
            has given her time to be
            a faithful loving caring wife
            and keep a home for me.

                                gallagher
                                 14 dec 69
                                 Matagorda Is., TX

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                             Wife

         I could taste the salt of her tears in the kiss
         smell the dampness of them on her cheek
         filled with love she lay trembling
         under the whip of uncertainty
         Would love be her salvation or her pain?

         With shyness she smiled at me through tears
         and tears welled to my eyes
         with the tenderness I sensed
         Love, our pain, our greatest joy
         Calmness filled me while pain remained
         where was truth, I know not
         but it is there.

                              gallagher
                              29 mar 70
                              Port Lavaca, TX

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                          Understanding

         Profoundly, my lesson is absorbed…
           the consequence of my love for you is my life.
         chards of feathered crystal dreams spin
           after truth has voided them
              and reality is yield me in their destruction.

         The consequence of your regard for me is my happiness
           my pain more than equals my understanding.

                                    gallagher
                                    25 mar 71
                                    Long Beach, CA
                                    - the end of our 2nd separation

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                             Rose II
                  I find it in the reality of her
                  that when she looks on me
                  its a good place to be
                  and so I clove to her
                  that the me she saw
                  could be…
                                gallagher
                                 29 jan 72
                                 Long Beach - on mescaline

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                          The morning wind
            When the morning wind has come again
            to rattle my window pane
            and the morning fog to make
            the dream gray world the same
            the winter’s chain it holds me
            in a house overseeing dead grass
               I lay by my lady, spoons cupped
               my arm around her
               breathing the cleaness of her hair
               dreaming…
            Of naked highways
            thru razor mountains
            of my aching muscles
            and eyes that squint in salt
            dreaming…of lust for my other lady
            who will wait for me
            when the season’s turned.
               And I will go
               and stand above the tree line
               on some mountain’s flank
               to be where only high contrails
               mar 2 billion years of natural selection
               and remembering indian thoughts
               I’ll put my watch in my pocket.
            Two ladies love me in this life
            and I can give them neither all
            for while one lies enfolding me
            I hear the other’s call.
                                    gallagher
                                    23 feb 72
                                    Long Beach

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                       The photograph album
            Looking at the photographs
              I could sense the number of times
            her eyes and hands had passed here
              on baby pictures and friends long gone.
            As if she had written them there,
              her feelings came to life in me
            and stopped my eyes
              on those moments of time…
            I wish she were here now to hold her
              and her dreams.
                              gallagher
                              7 jun 73
                              Long Beach

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                          For Rose
         There’s a woman who loves me pure and clear
         and that’s fine
         though sometimes I don’t know why
         she’d want such a hassle as loving me,…
         Me, who wants to be free
         and sure and wise and strong…
         she loves that…the prideful stupid fool…
         and me, I’m just amazed at my grace
         to have such a woman.
         Ah, but love’s so simple,
         why, she’s been whispering it to me
         for years at night
         and I’m just now getting wise…
         going on to do it myself I was….
         and she was patient.
         Love is my gift
         and its fine.
                                 gallagher
                                 7 jul 73
                                 Long Beach

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Sitting here hurting
              for her hurt and mine
            scared I’m wrong
              but not knowing
                anything better to do.

            This won’t keep me from getting old
              and it won’t change me
            from the dreamer I’ve been
              and it won’t make the TV real
            it won’t even feel good,
              Lord knows.

            I’d have never believed love
              such a cruel whip.

            Freddie said that God wouldn’t have
              given us minds capable of choice
            if the choices were not to be ours
              and we to put the pieces in place
            but somehow the result wasn’t
              the clear light I expected
            but just the same darkness
              all mine now….

            Attachment increasing is love
              attachment decreasing is pain.

                              gallagher
                              8 feb 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Take this cup of love away
            I no longer think I’m able
            to partake of the feast of life
            while seated at love’s table

               Slow charades of the past
               we walk thru
               looking on the forms we’ve turned
               the surfaces of our lives

            These weeks and months
            wait on the seasons of our heart to turn
            tender touches and looks of loss
            the actors turning to dust

                                 gallagher
                                 26 feb 75
                                 Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                     Its so hard to know
                       as I push love away
                          so many wait to hold her.

                     My pain and my jealousy
                       walk hand in hand
                          behind damp eyes.

                     And I think
                       she’ll be a treasure
                          to someone who needs her.

                     And I’ll remember it a thousand times
                       when I’m needing her
                          and she’s gone.

                     And then I’ll wait alone
                       for my need to pass
                          praying for my will to last.

                                    gallagher
                                    1 mar 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      What wonderland jungle is this that I’ve chose
      in exchange for the loving nearness of Rose
         Ween yourself, I said with distain,
         depart from love, go learn about pain
      walk, open hearted, into the melee
      and see if compassion can survive being free
         none of the rewards are worth what you leave
         and yet you’ll go on and not be deceived
      that love is more than a rest from the pain
      a moment’s respite from your spiritual game
         but windows and doors here open in from the side
         I’m full of longings and lusts I’d deny
      and this spiritual trip is not all of the truth
      for there’s ego and passions on the loose
         and I don’t know where all these things will lead
         to madness, peace or the death of my need
      but I do know that I’ve been hearing too long
      the sleeping of my brothers lulled by love’s song….

                                 gallagher
                                 9 mar 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                       Phones and Showers
         Gut churned morning
           when I wake and all bets are off
         Cathy said I needed a big hurt
           and Rose obliged the next day.

         “It all just happened”, Dennis,
           “He touched me like I usually don’t let you
           so I could prove what
           I seldom let you prove to me;
           that I’m desirable.
           But its OK, it was just
           comforting he gave me,
           somehow, it seemed, then, I needed it,
           for your best wasn’t good enough.”

         No faith when I needed you, but, you’re right,
           I was trying to separate us easily
           and play at a bit of machismo too
         and you called my bluff.

         Thank you, I think…
           I’d forgotten how hard
         those single games could get
           but now I should make it;
              no one could possibly kick me
                 that hard again.

                              gallagher
                              23 Mar 75
                              Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

           I’ve tried so hard to be up front, Baby,
           knowing the others don’t understand me
           or believe me…and hoping you did.
           But if I never hear your voice on that phone again
           or see you step from the shower
           washing him away…saying,
           “We just went to dinner, Dennis.”
           It will be far too soon.

           Why couldn’t you be up front, Baby?
           and not waste my time like that
           making all my efforts at honesty
           into just a pitiful taste in my mouth
           so that I’m reduced to wondering why
           I didn’t hurt you first.
           Why I waited, out of reluctance,
           so we could share the bitter pill equally
           and together
           as the way of least hurt for both of us?

           Word fail me now
           I just see showers…and his hands
           and your game…as if I were Eric
           and as if I wasn’t worth your effort
           to be up front, always and forever.
           Its cold here in this reality
           you’ve made for us.

                           gallagher
                           25 mar 75
                           Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Today I learned to love my wife
            though she touched another
            and I give thanks
            for one more crutch removed.

            Today, love was the same love
            but my fear was less.

            Love’s beginning to overwhelm me
            and my control’s slipping.
            Today machismo and jealousy
            were found to be just forms
            which but poorly define
            the word love.

            Today, faith, such an anathema
            to the preservation of my ego,
            carried me off a little further
            into the total chaos of oneness.

                           gallagher
                           26 mar 75
                           Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                          A little drunk

         Been watching her, hoping it wasn’t a paranoid dream
           been watching close cause it hurt so bad.
         It was hard to see, but since she went out,
           its not been the same with us.

         She takes me for granted now because she saw my pain
           she walks around me and fills the air
         with words of love
           but touches me with nothing.

         Tonight I thought to spend my time with her
           but she fell asleep on me
         tonight I bought wine for her
           but she fell asleep.

         I trust my sight and its clear what I see here
           she believes me in her power
             but my pride won’t let it be.

         Let her go then, I say, to drink the night away
           and never fall asleep with someone else.
         I’m worth more than this, my pride is telling me.

           I’m worth more than this, its time to be free.

         I trust my sight and its plain to see
           that what she feels for me
             is not what I’d have it be.

                                 gallagher
                                 28 mar 75
                                 Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Twenty-seven, and what am I doing?
        To others I’m self-assured, but to myself
          I’m just a ragged mass of emotion and doubts.
      Twenty-seven, and nothing to show
        no money, no possessions, no security
          just inches away from being nothing and nobody.

      A few poems, some subjective knowledge
        and a wife that loves me like its the end of the world
          and what am I doing?  …asking her to go
            so I can see if love is really necessary.

      I look at her and it hurts…
        suddenly I want houses and money and security for us
          not shoe-string lives, lived from paycheck to paycheck.
      I wonder how she could love me
        and I wonder how I could live without her
          and I wonder how I’ve tried so hard to do right
            and why I’ve done so little.

      I wonder how all my best dreams
        could have brought me here
          to where I’m twenty-seven
            and scared to death of what I’m doing.

                              gallagher
                              30 mar 75
                              CSULB

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                       Remember

               I must strive at every moment
               to do as I would have her do.

               And remember to think
               what I would think
               if it were all reversed.

               For only if I can
               love her acts as my own,
               will I learn to love
               for love alone,
               will I be patient
               when she would not see me.

               For only by her freedom, freed
               will she choose to love me
               just for her need.

                              gallagher
                              1 apr 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         Emptiness walks within me where she was
           and the days have become like months.

         Last night I went to her for rest
           but I lay open beside her to no avail.

         Something’s gone, and I’m not sure what…
           some of it is my dominance of her,
         and some of it is the loss
           of my certainty of her regard,
         and some of it is my choice
           to avoid such rest stops,
         and some is my emotions
           blocking my vision of what it was
              that brought me here.

         It all will pass with time,
           says my reason,
              screams my mind….

                              gallagher
                              10 apr 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                          Projection

               I asked her
                 wasn’t our love clearer for the absences
                 and our moments together, sharper…

               And she said, “No”,
                 that she had always loved me
                 without reservation.

                                 gallagher
                                 21 apr 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —