SamadhiMuse

      Vancouver, no city of light at 1 am
      the country’s poorer … the eskimos and indians
      fill the bars
      No one’s pretty…desolation on so many faces
      prostitutes…everyone is an enemy to them, walk the streets
      the glitter facade, the trash behind
      I stumbled into a bar where everyone
      looked asiatic and bitter
      long black stringy hair
      dumpy women wearing sunglasses
      Did we come here, Kathi and I, to play in this town?
      it looks as if everyone with nothing is here
      driving junk cars and losing…losing
      The fine hotels rise amid the circus-circus bars
      and the sidewalk girls
      The streets are roamed by men-boys out to find manhood
      walking in bravado pairs or shambling alone
      into desolation and some more alcohol to get it right
      or kill the lack
      conquer a shabby woman…fight the barroom brawl
      talk with drunken gusto…drink away the truths.
                                 gallagher
                                 21 july 78 - 1st nite in Vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         Feeling good 1100 miles from home
         I really love this Canadian city.
         I can travel all around
         I think its nice I’ve found
         the peace of mind to see this city as better
         life won’t catch me sleeping
         with cities like this in the wings
         easy feeling so far from home
         the differences are good
         some part of me, amazed, says better
         the cabbie, the waiter, the tour guide
         all loved their country so easily
         the government radio station is good
         and politics are not so serious
         the city services are excellent and sensible
         I wonder if it matters
         that I fell in love with two ladies here
         Kathy and Vancouver.
         Magic magic days
         Vancouver City
         and Kathy’s untried
         three days ascending
         sweet canadian ride
         I think I loved her
         I feel good inside
         I can’t remember
         when I’ve loved a city so
         vancouver skyline, Vancouver bay
         I smiled in your faces
         and watched you at play
         you shared our solace
         you shared our time
         I say, ‘thank you’, city
         for being so fine.
                  24 july 78 - upon flying out of Vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Confused by our togetherness
      I wander and wonder where we are …
      passionate and capable lovers and good friends
      we spend our time loving and larking
      until I have to wonder how much I can love this girl
      and still not feel I know her.
      She’s deep and convoluted in layers of years
      of personality projection and control
      and the bitter reality of knowing that ultimately
      we’re alone and looking out for number one.
      She cares and she says so
      and her smiles bear witness to it
      from deep inside…but inside there,
      its always her’s alone
      I told her I loved her and it pleased her
      and for a few hours there I saw her face revealed
      without projections and mirrors.
      neither boy nor girl; she was the root of herself
      looking at me without her constructed personality
      and personal boundaries
      and I felt I’d never see her again in the old way
      but the morning returned her self imposed exile
      until, at last, the hours and contingencies
      dragged her away from me.
                                 gallagher
                                 24 jul 78
                                 about Vancouver and KA

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         I hope this life sustains Rose.
           This one of coming and going
         this love for a week and then
           wait for two.
         I think of Chris and I’m always
           amazed at my thoughts
         small person with eyes
           of such potential and trust
         Loving Danny grew on me
           like the ivy that overcame the church
         but Chris has been a storm
           ever since Rose and I gave him his life.
         I hope she holds on
           all my life, or hers.
         Its the only feeling I have
           that runs deeper
              than the joy of living
           and its pleasures
              amen.
         I’ve been so reckless with it
           and I’ve been so lucky.
                              gallagher
                              11 apr 1981
                              Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         I find no contradiction
           in loving women and loving Rose
         but I’m not sure I could ever
           explain it to her though I’ve tried.
         I’ve pressed her flesh and held her eyes
           amid the months and names
              the love and the pain.
         Someplace deep
           I always hope I’ve convinced her
         but I know the changing seasons
           of her faith too well.
                              gallagher
                              11 Apr 1981
                              Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         Sometimes late at night, I sit up and wonder…
           scenes of Rose and our houses … Danny’s growing
              and all my unrest in the midst of plenty
                 flow by.
         I think, these times, that I can almost grasp
           what it was that made my mother an alcoholic.
              When I look at my picked and chewed fingers
                 and my life’s restless turning.
         I wonder if there’s something I can do
           on these sleepless nights
              turning over my memories
                 and imagining my possible futures
         For all my thinking about my life and its purpose
           I’m more driven that driver here
         And for all my attention to the wind’s subtle nuances
           I find myself on the bitter edge of my love’s loss
              too many times.
                                    gallagher
                                    8 Oct 81
                                    Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

               Bhagwan says … feeling and longing
                  are more than reason and reasons.
               And I begin to remember something
                  like a man on the edge of sleep.
                                 gallagher
                                 25 may 82
                                 vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                     My Sons
      My sons a man could be proud of
         they say something of the best of Rose and I
      with a cut and line, a form
         that my eye never fails to fall on, pleased.
      Danny, the sensitive blond and popular artist of us
         how well he’s formed thru the caldron
            of our marriage years and evolutions
      The man begins to show in him
         as firm and as deep as I could wish it
      and I want to stand back and applaud
         and give him room and respect to grow in
      And Chris, blocky intense little Chris
         affectionate and secure, pushy and proud
      his potential and promise fill him with presence
         he radiates ‘I am a good boy’, without any doubts
      My sons
         they make me prouder than anything else
            I’ve ever done.
                              10-08-82
                              Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                     Bhagwan knocking
      I read Bhagwan just before I went to sleep
      and awoke to find my self drawn to paper by my thoughts.
      Itching me, burning me, his words brought me awake
      with thoughts that seemed to cut through
         the dreams I normally live.
      I’ve drifted and doubted under the incredible pressure of friends
      until Oregon and the experience I had there
      has drifted into the library of my memories
      and I’m once more unconscious and a-churn
         with the pressures of what to do with my life.
      But, when he speaks it rings with utter truth
      that while I listen and remain aware
      my life and purposes, cares and concerns
      are cast into a doubt more profound and meaningful
         by the lack of any arguments or reasons given.
      If I go again I will surely take Sanyas.
      I can feel the pull from here.
      Should I light the candle I won’t let burn?
      He asks nothing if not all
      and ( though no one believes it )
      he asks nothing but for me.
      My love, my awareness, my being.
      He says do them, take them, be them.
      I point the way, I am the gate.
      Listen, experience, become … more.
      I am a living example.
      And I stand awe struck and amazed
      by music no one here ever seems to hear.
      Is it me or is it them?
      No one here has any real purpose
      and He says there is none
      but he’s happy with that
      and look at us here.
      And the night goes on.
                        gallagher
                        17 Nov 82
      

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         I wonder, as I listen to Bhagwan’s words
         if the difference he defines
         between knowledge and knowing
         doesn’t have something to do
         with the difference between holistic
         and sequential modes of perception…
         sort of like an apparatus we control
         the F stop.
         Full open is holistic with full parallel processing
         the ego dead because nothing can exist
         separate from the process?
         letting the past, as memory or judgment
         come in is analogous to dividing the task
         forming alternatives or sequentiality into it
         closing the aperture…
            attenuating the sensitivity…
               biasing the wait….
                              01-13-83

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

               How much I’ve come about
                  these last few years
               my love for Rose and Danny and Chris
                  is never at issue
               it overflows at the slightest thought
                  where before were only dreams
                                 01-13-83

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            So this Irish son of immigrants married
              the daughter of Norwegians
            and he from a line that ended faltering
              and she from the small Minnesota towns
                lost in dust.
            The years have passed, the wrinkles grown,
              the children strong.
            What are we…you, my love, and I
              but the fabric that has made my life a joy.
            I wish I could say my thoughts better
              my heart fills with so much
            and I turn to try to say
              how very much I care.
                              gallagher
                              13 Jan 83

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                              LAX and Chris
                  Little people holding big people’s hands
                  hands wading through a sea of faces…
                  so vulnerable, so precious.
                  I imagine him here
                     and a cherishing feeling sweeps through me.
                                    gallagher
                                    03 nov 83
                                    - on my way to Vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                        Nigel Terrett
   ‘I had it once and lost it’, he said, as we sat over lunch.
   And I said that, ‘I have it again, after loosing it…’
   and I wondered how to share it with him…what to say.
   WANT IT, my brother, like you’ve never wanted ANYTHING.
   want it until you would risk ridicule, insanity and death for it.
   Utterly want it, without reservation or doubt, for what are these
   but the fear that we’ll loose something of lesser value?
   Stake everything on it, on its existence…
   Your reason, your logic, your common sense, you dignity, your friends.
   If you want it utterly, they ALL must be at risk.
   Risk everything and KNOW that you are gambling
      know that you could loose
      know that you could be completely wrong about it
         and risk that too.
   Don’t think of it as a part time occupation that you do
   after the working hours and the family evenings are over
   Instead, see those moments as the grist
   that passes thru the mill of your life
      and you life as nothing but an impassioned search for it.
         and, in your passion, you will find it.
   And you will scare your family terribly
   and risk you livelihood and your sanity
   and you’ll feel insecurity rising around you
   like a creeping tide from hell
   and. many times, you won’t know
   if your’re falling over the edge of your sanity
      or stumbling into your rebirth…and it doesn’t matter.
   Go for it, utterly, all alone, without reservation
      what else is there?
                                    gallagher
                                    04 nov 83
                                    - good advice, wish I could keep it.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                              Gerda
            What magic with this woman
               that such a current of humaness
                  runs thru us together
               that we lock into our perceptions
                  and feelings together
            and with laughing eyes
               within the trust born of deep knowing
                  we mingle, spirit to spirit,
                     like warm hands,
                        like family,
                           like children of God.
                                    gallagher
                                    18 nov 83
                                    - at Gerda’s

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         Ah, Bhagwan and Buber … mystics all
            you’ve made my life so immesurably rich.
         When I think of the joy you’ve opened for me
            the feeling you call prayer fills me
               until my skin melts into the feelings I am.
         I have some small light that’s begun to shine
            until smiles press from inside from secret places
               and moments burn with searing baeuty.
         And I know that here where I stumble,
            you’ve gone, thank you.
                                 gallagher
                                 02 dec 83

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Wisps of time … memories and music
              eyes across the years … feelings.
            Cool breezes in far away places
            sunlight in photographs … traces.
            It’s snowing in Vancouver.
                              Gallagher
                              24 Jan 84

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         Deep rivers of life and love there
           and in her eyes and questions
         Touched to the quick, with open hearts
           we take aim on the future
         Gordon and she … patterns and people
           probabilities of the heart
         Yea, though I walk thru
           the valley of emotions….
         Dear Gerda, people who change
           between the rock and the hard place
         Are twisting against the coils of their life
           seeking any relief
         Those who change thru simple awarenesses
           they, …they did not need to do so
         So who has made the deeper change
           and the more enduring?
                           gallagher
                           8 jul 84
                           Vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Gerda and the book, 2150 A.D., taught me something
        about sexual union
        and spiritual compatibility…
        it’s true.
      We do have soul mates, brother and sister spirits.
      Come and wash me in your peace, sister
        and sooth the ache that waits forever
        to be whole.
      Eyes to eyes … skin to skin …
        these, these cannot begin to express
        how much we are kin.
                        gallagher
                        25 july 84
                        irvine
                        about Gerda O.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                  For Gerda
      We walk by …we touch …we speak
        rivers form and merge, divide and entwine
        deep waters running
      like music with no beginning …and no end.
      We are one thing …and we are two, at once
        my sister, my lover, my mother, my friend
        we drink and the cup …the cup never empties
      until we sleep.
      We talk and laugh …and we cherish the ground
        like children who have found a magic place
        everything under our hands and eyes
      becoming God …in us …complete.
                           gallagher
                           25 july 84
                           irvine

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —