SamadhiMuse » Vancouver

1978-07-21

Dennis — Fri, 21 Jul 1978 08:00:00 +0000

Vancouver, no city of light at 1 am
the country’s poorer … the eskimos and indians
fill the bars

No one’s pretty…desolation on so many faces
prostitutes…everyone is an enemy to them, walk the streets
the glitter facade, the trash behind
I stumbled into a bar where everyone
looked asiatic and bitter
long black stringy hair
dumpy women wearing sunglasses

Did we come here, Kathi and I, to play in this town?
it looks as if everyone with nothing is here
driving junk cars and losing…losing

The fine hotels rise amid the circus-circus bars
and the sidewalk girls

The streets are roamed by men-boys out to find manhood
walking in bravado pairs or shambling alone
into desolation and some more alcohol to get it right
or kill the lack

conquer a shabby woman…fight the barroom brawl
talk with drunken gusto…drink away the truths.

gallagher
21 july 78 – 1st nite in Vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1978-07-24

Dennis — Mon, 24 Jul 1978 08:00:00 +0000

Feeling good 1100 miles from home
I really love this Canadian city.
I can travel all around
I think its nice I’ve found
the peace of mind to see this city as better
life won’t catch me sleeping
with cities like this in the wings
easy feeling so far from home
the differences are good
some part of me, amazed, says better
the cabbie, the waiter, the tour guide
all loved their country so easily
the government radio station is good
and politics are not so serious
the city services are excellent and sensible
I wonder if it matters
that I fell in love with two ladies here
Kathy and Vancouver.

Magic magic days
Vancouver City
and Kathy’s untried
three days ascending
sweet canadian ride
I think I loved her
I feel good inside
I can’t remember
when I’ve loved a city so
vancouver skyline, Vancouver bay
I smiled in your faces
and watched you at play
you shared our solace
you shared our time
I say, ‘thank you’, city
for being so fine.

24 july 78 – upon flying out of Vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1978-07-24

Dennis — Mon, 24 Jul 1978 08:02:00 +0000

Confused by our togetherness
I wander and wonder where we are …
passionate and capable lovers and good friends
we spend our time loving and larking
until I have to wonder how much I can love this girl
and still not feel I know her.
She’s deep and convoluted in layers of years
of personality projection and control
and the bitter reality of knowing that ultimately
we’re alone and looking out for number one.
She cares and she says so
and her smiles bear witness to it
from deep inside…but inside there,
its always her’s alone
I told her I loved her and it pleased her
and for a few hours there I saw her face revealed
without projections and mirrors.
neither boy nor girl; she was the root of herself
looking at me without her constructed personality
and personal boundaries
and I felt I’d never see her again in the old way
but the morning returned her self imposed exile
until, at last, the hours and contingencies
dragged her away from me.

gallagher

24 jul 78

about Vancouver and KA

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1981-04-11

Dennis — Sat, 11 Apr 1981 08:00:00 +0000

I hope this life sustains Rose.
This one of coming and going
this love for a week and then
wait for two.

I think of Chris and I’m always
amazed at my thoughts
small person with eyes
of such potential and trust

Loving Danny grew on me
like the ivy that overcame the church
but Chris has been a storm
ever since Rose and I gave him his life.

I hope she holds on
all my life, or hers.
Its the only feeling I have
that runs deeper
than the joy of living
and its pleasures
amen.

I’ve been so reckless with it
and I’ve been so lucky.

gallagher
11 apr 1981
Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1981-04-11

Dennis — Sat, 11 Apr 1981 08:02:00 +0000

I find no contradiction
in loving women and loving Rose
but I’m not sure I could ever
explain it to her though I’ve tried.
I’ve pressed her flesh and held her eyes
amid the months and names
the love and the pain.
Someplace deep
I always hope I’ve convinced her
but I know the changing seasons
of her faith too well.

gallagher
11 Apr 1981
Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1981-10-08

Dennis — Thu, 08 Oct 1981 08:00:00 +0000

Sometimes late at night, I sit up and wonder…
scenes of Rose and our houses … Danny’s growing
and all my unrest in the midst of plenty
flow by.

I think, these times, that I can almost grasp
what it was that made my mother an alcoholic.
When I look at my picked and chewed fingers
and my life’s restless turning.

I wonder if there’s something I can do
on these sleepless nights
turning over my memories
and imagining my possible futures

For all my thinking about my life and its purpose
I’m more driven that driver here

And for all my attention to the wind’s subtle nuances
I find myself on the bitter edge of my love’s loss
too many times.

gallagher
8 Oct 81
Vancouver, B.C.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1982-05-25

Dennis — Tue, 25 May 1982 08:00:00 +0000

Bhagwan says … feeling and longing
are more than reason and reasons.

And I begin to remember something
like a man on the edge of sleep.

gallagher
25 may 82
vancouver

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1982-10-08 My Sons

Dennis — Fri, 08 Oct 1982 08:00:00 +0000

My Sons

My sons a man could be proud of
they say something of the best of Rose and I
with a cut and line, a form
that my eye never fails to fall on, pleased.

Danny, the sensitive blond and popular artist of us
how well he’s formed thru the caldron
of our marriage years and evolutions

The man begins to show in him
as firm and as deep as I could wish it
and I want to stand back and applaud
and give him room and respect to grow in

And Chris, blocky intense little Chris
affectionate and secure, pushy and proud
his potential and promise fill him with presence
he radiates ‘I am a good boy’, without any doubts

My sons
they make me prouder than anything else
I’ve ever done.

10-08-82

Vancouver, B.C.

1982-11-17 Bhagwan knocking

Dennis — Wed, 17 Nov 1982 08:00:00 +0000

Bhagwan knocking

I read Bhagwan just before I went to sleep
and awoke to find my self drawn to paper by my thoughts.
Itching me, burning me, his words brought me awake
with thoughts that seemed to cut through
the dreams I normally live.

I’ve drifted and doubted under the incredible pressure of friends
until Oregon and the experience I had there
has drifted into the library of my memories
and I’m once more unconscious and a-churn
with the pressures of what to do with my life.

But, when he speaks it rings with utter truth
that while I listen and remain aware
my life and purposes, cares and concerns
are cast into a doubt more profound and meaningful
by the lack of any arguments or reasons given.

If I go again I will surely take Sanyas.
I can feel the pull from here.
Should I light the candle I won’t let burn?
He asks nothing if not all
and ( though no one believes it )
he asks nothing but for me.
My love, my awareness, my being.
He says do them, take them, be them.
I point the way, I am the gate.
Listen, experience, become … more.
I am a living example.

And I stand awe struck and amazed
by music no one here ever seems to hear.
Is it me or is it them?

No one here has any real purpose
and He says there is none
but he’s happy with that
and look at us here.

And the night goes on.

gallagher
17 Nov 82

1983-01-13

Dennis — Thu, 13 Jan 1983 08:00:00 +0000

I wonder, as I listen to Bhagwan’s words
if the difference he defines
between knowledge and knowing
doesn’t have something to do
with the difference between holistic
and sequential modes of perception…
sort of like an apparatus we control
the F stop.
Full open is holistic with full parallel processing
the ego dead because nothing can exist
separate from the process?
letting the past, as memory or judgment
come in is analogous to dividing the task
forming alternatives or sequentiality into it
closing the aperture…
attenuating the sensitivity…
biasing the wait….

01-13-83