SamadhiMuse

         Well I’ve been a wandering fool now
         running free with all my time
         and I’m coming into my thirties
         with the things a gypsy finds
         got some wine to pass the evenings
         got some food to break the day
         got my eyes for all the ladies
         hey now, send me one this way!
         got my friends to share my time with
         got my friends to go my bail
         and its always up and out now
         though we’re dying all the way
         no, I never knew the time like
         I know it now the way it flys
         watch your mirror tell the truth now
         watch the lines begin to gain
                              gallagher
                              05 jan 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Smile and flow, touch our cells
               streams of time bound in form, we
            the seeds of suns burn in our eyes
               cast in the relief of these moments
            children of chance, the best of nonsense
               laughing it all away
            we run on and down scarlet streamers
               universes dying to become real
            our cells are our templates, timeless
               behind these moments, our loves, our deaths
            I love our smiles which never cease
               and as our passion bears us again
                  the ground waits beneath us forever
                              gallagher
                              01-09-78 - about helen k.
                              long beach

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         Tapestries surround me … richness and texture
            I feel blessed
         Helen grows more beautiful with the months …
            the rainy afternoon I rode thru to be here, soaked
               to be here warm when she came
         a warm space and time between two lives so different
         And Rose, so much a part of me
            let me stray for just a few hours
         and I see how beautiful she always is
            her hair, her face, her body, her hips
               her spirit, her little girl, her mother
         all of her just by being in my life blesses me
            her love, her nature, her lack of pretense.
                              gallagher
                              01-09-78 - for two ladies
                              long beach

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Old Sol rises up and finds me here
         though I’ve abused the night
      and wasted the best of my hours
         unrepaired and pressing
            for more than I can sustain.
      The day breaks and I’m unworthy,
         not risen, well slept, to be born again
      but bedraggled and haunted by the hours past.
      We’ve risen so often together
         I running through the alleys and park trees
      and Sol above the poles and steeples.
      First flush, just we two, in the crisp morning air
         through the sleeping parkland and dew laden grass
      the cool air against sweat and muscles
         you open it all up to me
            again and again.
                                 gallagher
                                 jan 12 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         college faces pass in a swirl
         the semester’s just begun
         I’m looking at the girls
         how much clearer I see now
         than I did when I began
         the stories are plainly written
         most I see and understand
         I’m so sad to know I’m aging
         I can’t indefinitely understand
         I’m drifting from the college years
         they sift away like sand
         almost imposter, watcher, here
         wanting to play again.
                           gallagher
                           jan 24, 78
                           CSULB

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      My self opinion has been independent
      of what I do, not because of it.

      Think of what they cannot take from you
      your mind, your attitude, your health -
      but very little else.

      Age goes, love goes, success goes,
      money goes, even health in the end,
      though you tend the flame.

      Then it’s down to you
      somewhere below your mind and attitude
      (acid takes me to a timeless place)
      then it’s down to you,
      and when death comes to knock
      you have to give up even this.

      Its all relative
      every circle spins down
      to the same center
      its all relative.

                                 gallagher
                                 jan 30, 78
                                 Acid tripping’

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         I want to make sure
         when it comes time for my accounting
         that I’ve lived it as I should have,
         no regrets;
         otherwise it just makes no sense.

         All afternoon, the afternoon past.
         Armchair scholar of my life,
         I astride my poems and memories
         sifting … looking for me.

         Years gone by here again
         those weeks and months
         when I loved Sharon Freeman so deeply
         and Maxine finally saved me from ruin.

         And in the afternoon I finally called Maxine
         and found out how she was.

                                 gallagher
                                 jan 30, 78
                                 Acid tripping’

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         I see her soft smile crushed
            and I feel her pain,
         reproach in her embrace,
            she says I should come back, why not?
         I want my life to get better at each juncture,
            going back to our marriage is not an advance.
         Her tender smiles would turn to bitterness
            and my dreams resign themselves to waiting, why?
         She thinks my lovers are the main reason why I won’t return
            and she doesn’t realize its more of one cloth.
         That the cold mornings and lonely afternoons
            are better now in my gut than our marriage could be.
         When…I see her hurt, I hurt, but I’m unmoved
            I love her and her presence in my life
         but I’m no longer malleable
            because of love.
         If she could love me, as I am, I could love her, as I am
            and it would all be enough, but…
         until then the hours are filled
            with pain and the pressure to change.
         She never found me so unreachable
            and she struggles to grasp my love
         which springs free and independent of need
            and I can only watch her pain
               and love her even as she tries to change me.
                                    gallagher
                                    feb 02, 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

   Come turn the years and swirl them here
      and bring us around full circle again.
   Over coffee, today, so much came to an end.
      For years her house and memory had beckoned
         and lingered … and waited
      and I’d driven by it a thousand times
         in my lifetime since then … past its whispering.
   Her memories and questions waited, until today
      over coffee, when all those years came to join us
         and we found what had become of us then.
   Down dark years and through darker paths …
      through schools and marriages …
         and drugs and sex.
      She’d been cast into these from the events
         that spawned both of us so long ago.
   I’d taken her virginity (and mine) then
      back when I didn’t think it could matter …
         but it did, as the tangled years have come to tell.
   Pressed then, in roles beyond our knowing,
      we danced our dances, blindly … savagely ….
         And I’d used her then … just as she’d wished it
            until, finally, I left her without a look back
         and let all the years behind me sleep
            until today.
   And today, among the plates and lights,
      our roots re passed, untangling, and she forgave me
         and all the years that had waited began to forget themselves.
                                 gallagher
                                 13 feb 78
                                 - after meeting Sally Henderson

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Well all my life I’ve been a fool
         fire and ice, a little cool
      now I feel the fire
         subtle, yet its grown higher
      and I can feel my passions know
         the patterns of my life and grow
      Cast in forms I come to know
         put up in stone against time’s flow
      nothings real and nothing’s right
         endless screams these laughing flights
      take a life and live again
         everyone’s another end
      a turning wheel, a wheel of fire
         from spirit light to fleshed desire
      Cast in stone I seem to know
         I’m born in forms amid time’s flow
      and the timeless dreams I listen sow
         and like birds of laughter grow
      am I spirit born again
         or evolution’s lash and end
      the questions burn, burn to bear
         shackles that the living wear
      Its every guess and every game
         you win or lose its still the same
      a flight that left without belief
         in flesh awake without relief
      I can’t tell where I’m here
         in timeless truth or chance’s jeer
      and in these forms I fly
         believe it game and ever try
      to window out to winnow free
         the secrets locked inside of me.
                           gallagher
                           22 feb 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         How dry the leaves and empty
         my first winter into the thirties
         I could disappear without contact
         be a person lost without love.
         I’ve told Rose I won’t come back now
         and the winter starts to blow,
         I’ve told Rose I’d love to see her
         but when she moves I know
         she’ll take her summer laughter with her
         and leave me here to grow.
         She’ll take my love and son then
         and leave me here to know
         how dry the leaves…and empty
         when the winter winds begin to blow
         and alone and empty I am
         as I begin to know…
         But I chose these winter empty stomach days
         and I chose the waiting for my life’s new phase
         and lead me to the summer sunshine
         where I’m bound to go.
                              gallagher
                              feb 25, 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Sultry, like the musician in the movie Steppenwolf
      feeling on that subverbal frequency, Carlos,
      full bore and gripping everyone’s awareness.
      people can feel it, just feel it.
      liquid awareness, presence, laughing and serious
      immediate
      Carmen’s another like him
      one days its me, another its her
      ‘Hi, what’s happening…’, we both know…
      strong lady, she’s got presence
      blowing’ everyone away and catchin’ flak for it
      straight arrow vision
      feeling, like a shock wave, natural
      I like her, I’m afraid of her
      I like the test she is
      so much better than the empty people
      the pastry people, the dying people
      in between moments of her life
      she sells me wine
      in between moments of mine
      I see her.
                              gallagher
                              27 feb 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                  Some ladies just leave a hole
                     once they’ve passed thru
                  I’ll never free myself
                     from their memories
                  I miss them like a child
                     some level of sanity shock
                  they gave me, I needed it
                     and still do
                  Diane, Carol, Suzanne, Kathy
                     all left me remembering
                        their reality
                  How can I replace
                     Diane’s electric feelings and contradictions
                     or Carol’s intelligence and clear mind
                  or Suzanne’s psychic eyes
                     or Kathy`s poise and efficiency?
                  I want those realities, new or old
                     everything else is a game of forms
                  shock me with depth, life,
                     I’m not afraid to dare, try me.
                                    gallagher
                                    3 mar 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                     The ides again
         Brittle days these
         between my lives, dying
         her cries tear at me
         and some days my own loneliness
         mocks me.
         I feel her pain,
         the pain of love ripping out
         by the roots.
         Today I wake empty
         and feel alone all day.
         I want to be held,
         and earlier line haunts me…
         ‘What wonderland jungle is this that I’ve chose
         in exchange for the loving nearness of Rose.’
         Today, I want to lean on someone
         but Rose is packing her love away
         and I can’t pay her price.
                        gallagher
                        mar 13, 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

               Brown eyes I can feel …
               when her eyes meet mine
               my secret smiles begin to burn
               and I can’t remember the last time
               I felt someone so much … without touching
               I smile until I have to break for sanity
               from these brown eyes, so real.
                                 gallagher
                                 18 mar 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         How many years since I’ve fallen in love…
         our eyes meet and the moment’s electricity
         turns to smiles… smiles we both bear
            amid the echo we both see
         It seems dangerous to be so happy for free
         her company pleases me, regardless of our conversation
         looking at her is pleasure
            touching her is
            and thinking of her is
         Strong and driven
         she’s flying from her past like I.
         I look at her and see someone to match me
                           gallagher
                           18 mar 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            What will these days bring
            on the edge of my life?
            Will I ever find myself
            so deeply in another again?
            I press away, for these days,
            running down my life like some rat
            trying to ferret out my happiness
            and the secrets of my purpose
            Today I’m going to look deep inside
            and fly into my secret rooms.
                           gallagher
                           22 mar 78 - just before an acid trip.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                           30 mar 78
      Sudden end of love
         she found us mingled in the aftermath of passion
            and it nearly killed us all
         broken glass, broken bed, broken heart
            when they left
               and left me to clean up
      The moment’s past and I could feel a node
         had gone down
      history resettled, fortunes changed
         and all of who I was altered
            tomorrow’s an unknown again
      Rose likely will not speak to me again
         Kathy left our initial encounter amid flying glass
            and Kim called and departed, unfulfilled
         and, for me, tomorrow waits
            to see what they’ll all make of this
      No help in the morning, my loans are called in
         and some months will be needed to heal us all
            if anything can.
                              gallagher
                              30 mar 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      My feelings walk inside me like a man with a hammer
      The year of thirty must be by far the strangest one yet
      Joe’s gone, his room says over his leavings,
      and Rose and the house are harder to bear each day.
      Soon the last shreds of her love will be torn
      and the last of my security flown away
      Its an ache to be there and yet I’ll probably always return
      for Danny
      I dreamed Bob the night before I met him
      and when he arrived I felt prophesy on my shoulder.
      And, tonight, when Rose told me
      he wasn’t going to San Francisco
      and that he’d been asking her out behind Nona’s back,
      my dream came to reality.
      “I’m seeing Rory”, she said, and I smiled…
      I like Rory and he can’t make me insecure
      Sorting photographs … cleaning the garage
      talking, with control, to Bob and Nona,
      eating Rose’s chicken and feeling this hammer.
      I’m going to be alone again soon as I’ve not been
      in a long long time
      and on none of my fantasy girls can I rest
      until this hammer has spent itself
      I pray thee, thirty, move on.
                           gallagher
                           04 apr 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Living crazier day by day
      sometimes I wonder if I’ll be swept away
      could my fortunes drop me off some edge
      I feel the wind sometimes from that precipice
      Its not a plan, I’m just staggering now
      riding the crest of a good job
      and my health
      and knowing it for luck and youth
      thinking I’ll get used to living alone
      and writing poems like these
      Rose would have me still
      but I can’t find it in me
      to give up this quest…
      I want to squeeze life
      until it reveals why it drives me so
      and I’m not sure what I’m after
      my youth’s passions will fade
      and my lovers eyes will jade
      our bodies grow old
      and our careers peak
      will this questing flame be so strong later
      when love’s far behind me
      and these illusions fallen away
      I clutch it to me
      perhaps just a small mirror of my ego
      and I gamble everything away
      day by day
                              gallagher
                              apr 5, 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —