Kathy:
Sitting here, a little drunk, just finished ‘Rich Man Poor Man’.
It leaves me feeling a little dazed. So true to life, looking out
for yourself … wanting all that life can give and yet knowing you
have to begin from where you are, now. Rich Man Poor Man sobers me
… Like my feelings for you (I think you know what I mean, life is
not so kind nor will we always be so gentle with each other). I care
for you and I’d love to spend my time with you but we both want more.
I want and need love, I need that soft place to lay back and hold
onto, but I wonder if it could ever be with you … you’re so much
like me.
Seems strange … I’ve not written you since I wrote you so
many months ago and said not to worry if I liked you too much …
that it was my problem. And now look where time has left us. You
care much for me, I know, but your no more sure of how right or safe
it is. Loving someone scares you deep down. As if you’re giving
something away. Is it some fantasy future you imagine? Or do you
imagine you’ll never grow old if you never love? Or is it that you
know your heart for unfulfilled and that while you may love me …
someday you’ll depart and you don’t want to hurt me?
I don’t know the answers to these questions either. I suppose
its just the wine talking but its nice to let my feelings go …
perhaps life will never make sense but I love to loose myself in your
brown eyes … to feel your skin … and to pass hours with you …
making love, eating, talking, whatever.
Tonight I look forward to seeing you tomorrow … as if to
squeeze you and never let you go. I know I’m drunk as I write this
… because I’m beginning to know you … to know you feel the same
about me … deep down where your emotions live. Both of us so
doubtful when sober … and rightfully so when we’re sober and so
self-centered.
The other night, in the car, when you told me you were
beginning to care more than you liked … that it scared you. I
loved you … rejoiced in you feelings. I love you … I want you to
be strong and independent and yet I love that you love me. Your
brown eyes could bewitch anyone … and your skin … your skin is a
joy.
Life is a gamble and I love you … I’m not afraid to gamble.
I love you skin and eyes and feelings … and yet I trust myself to
know where you are … not to get lost … so the question is … do
you have the courage to love someone you can’t dominate?
Love, Dennis
– a letter to kathy a. 09-24-78, long beach
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
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