I’m learning from Shirley MacLaine’s book,— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
“Dancing in the Light”, where she talks about Vassy
and I’m learning from Lise, this last month,
that, for some people, there is no moment for feeling
but now.
They see love and pain and chance
as inseparably bound;
this moment, they love, the next, they change
and there is, for them, no contradiction.
Life is passion and pain, sunlight and rain.
They live both sides and bear love and loss
but they do not run from the pain and insecurity
to hide in promises or stagnant relationships.
I’m just waking up to such courage at 38
and Lise and Anthony
say they’re tired and ready to settle down.
To find someone they can grow old with…
all these years … have I awoken too late?
gallagher
12 dec 85
Archive for December, 1985
1985-12-12
Thursday, December 12th, 19851985-12-12
Thursday, December 12th, 1985What an empty place this is;— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
waiting for my heart to heal.
And no one can help me here
waiting for the closing of the year.
Only Thursday … only come to Thursday
from ending Monday
and, perhaps, the hours are only just beginning
to grind me.
My mind, like some incessant weasel,
follows me everywhere
with memories, words, and fantasies
images and remembered feelings.
I read, I wait patiently, I talk to friends,
I exercise until I ache.
I pray for understanding and peace and acceptance
and my heart … aches and aches.
Rose cannot help me, nor can Kathleen.
Helen K. cannot help me.
Only time will heal me
and to get its healing
I must pass its flaming passage.
gallagher
12 dec 85
1985-12-13
Friday, December 13th, 1985Rose said— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
she’s decided within these last few days
that she wants a ‘real’ marriage;
she’s 37 and she wants a future.
She said she used to love me
to the point of idolizing me
but now, … now she likes Jack a lot
and, if he asks, she’ll continue
to go with him.
And, as for me …
she’s not sure …
she wants my love back like it was
and she wants to hold me at a distance
and comfort my pain like a mother
but not to touch my body
like a woman.
Lise has left me a legacy;
perhaps not what she’s imagined.
She’s driven me to my knees
with pain and insecurity
but not before she saw me
cut Rose to the bone
with my love for her.
And now Rose recedes as Lise did
and my buddhist enlightened futures
come a crushers with Christmas
and a new year and life.
gallagher
13 dec 85