First day without Lise— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
and everytime the phone rings
it cuts like a knife.
If she calls at all
it may be days or weeks,
if she calls at all.
gallagher
21 Nov 85
– in the afternoon of my ultimatum
1985-11-21
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1985-11-21
Oh dear God,— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
have I done so much harm to others
that I should deserve such pain?
I’ve let myself love a woman
until she’s the very sunshine to me
and now she’s going to fade
as if it all never was.
I’ve given pain so easily
but when it’s my turn
I bear it so poorly.
I do want her in my life
but I’ve never said so.
I thought loving her
beyond all measure was enough
but, apparently, she felt no future
amid those storms of love.
And now, I may loose her
because I was not decisive
and, if I loose her
I don’t think I can bear it.
gallagher
21 nov 85
– waiting at Lise’s for her to come home
after she’s told me she slept with Anthony.
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1985-11-21
And this man, Anthony, comes— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
and sees in a moment
what’s so special in her
and he knows he wants her
and he speaks directly
to her buried discontent
which I never believed serious
beneath the love
which I though solved all
and now she’s torn
and I’m dying.
gallagher
21 Nov 85
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1985-11-21
I’ve felt jealousy and loss before— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
but I’ve never felt what I feel today.
Pain could not come harder
than from the center
of a growing and unclouded love
abruptly terminated.
Not a relationship on a decline,
no arguments or seeds of dissatisfaction
in the air, but just a storm of love
growing day by day
suddenly cut.
And she, who’s changed so suddenly,
can only say she’s confused.
And I, who feels pain run screaming,
can only wonder that love
could come to this.
gallagher
21 Nov 85
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1985-11-21
Ah Lise,— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
you must be deeply confused… your words and actions haunt me
like knives that run silent through my stomach.
The other day you said you hated the thought that someone else
might touch me as you do and then you slept with Anthony.
And a few days before that, in pure poetry, you said,
“I just want new words to say how I feel about you.”
and look, just look where we are in a week.
You scattered my pictures all around your place
and showed me, unasked, how you would let Anthony know
you were taken when he came. But my pictures saw otherwise.
You’ve told Anthony that I’ve been leaving so long
that in many ways you’ve said your goodbyes
and that you believed we had no future
but you never told me….
And the other day you said I should write a passionate poem…
about you.
And now, in the settling debris of these last days,
you say you’re ‘in love’ with me and that you are not
‘in love’ with him and, that in fact, you don’t even ‘love’ him.
And yet, look at us here, you packing my bags
and his about to arrive.
There are so many things here that defy logic and reason
but then the heart doesn’t move by logic, does it?
I want to say, ‘What of my love?’, but first, what of yours for me?
You say it has not diminished and agree
that our love was on a steady ascendant…
but all of that year and a half has been swept away
by a stranger’s words.
I am naked from loving, I have no reservation, I have no defense
and I have no understanding
of how you could feel as I do and do this to me….
gallagher
21 Nov 85
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1985-11-21
My mind and heart are crying,— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
my reason runs demented,
trying to see a way
to make things again
what they were just last Friday
when I visited you at noon
and loved you
and looked at the pictures you’d placed
around to show Anthony you loved me.
That warmth and trust,
that joy that you were in my life
filled me up as it has so many times.
And now its Thursday
and I ache for anyway at all
to make it right again.
gallagher
21 Nov 85