Archive for October, 1978

1978-10-01

Sunday, October 1st, 1978

The long roll of days now coming’ thru
have got me held between … time and my dreams.
I cast about … in love … and out.
See how it goes … it changes like the wind
its not so bad … something will come to pass
I gather myself against these days
like a man who loves the winter and draws his coat closer
come, and play for me, life
ultimately you must leave me beyond repair, I know
but this far I’ve been blessed
I love you more than most of my brothers, I think
I seek your razor edged dividings … decidings
Your Karmic truths and gaping paradoxes
You will make or break me …
Why should I turn away, you’re the only game in town
we just fool ourselves that there are others.
So you begin again, here, some new incomprehensible rhythms
my loves exchange … rearrange … the mirror continues to stare
and I, day by day, … can see better … more
We dance, you and I, … pupil and teacher
creator and creation … mirrored hands of God
groping towards … something.

gallagher

01 oct 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1978-10-07

Saturday, October 7th, 1978

An uneasy anxiety hangs over me me…the hours braced against some unknown
have I lived too hard this week…too many nights short of sleep
have they left my emotions off center?
Too much food, love, and coffee…too little sleep and alone time
and the running I’ve not done…what have I gained for these excesses?
Kathy’s leaving Nichols has driven us closer to where I’ve waited for months.
We each hold each other to prevent the dividing…without hope or sense
so tonight I’m here empty…anxious…feeling small and torn of soul
Helen, ripped from my page by some greater censor…
leaving silence in her wake
fills me with confused thoughts between the pandemonium.
I don’t love her without reserve, but I do love her…
I know I play my own game to win
but how could she leave me such silence after our struggles?
I sense disassembly waiting in these next days…fall from flight
I sense a new beginning & ending…grace gone for a walk
I sense some wish of mine becoming, somehow, and very different
from what I’ve intended…confused spiritualist and egotist
is it no wonder I love life
when I’m not beating myself to death with it?

gallagher
oct 07, 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1978-10-09

Monday, October 9th, 1978

Helen across the miles … on the wires
re-risen from where she’s gone … recognizable
her voice makes me feel love … memories
she says we’re not logical … it shouldn’t last
and she’s right, damn it!

This whip-snap girl who matches my every nuance
when she’s keeping it together
a flame who burns so bright she extinguishes herself
she shadows my every perception in her light
wistful…over the wires and the miles and the fields
needing her time to heal…and remembering our love
I feel so inexpressibly full … so full
when I want to hug her to hold her
and I’m holding nothing but the phone…
unable to empty, except to say, ‘I miss you, I care’.

Tender moment, balanced between need and decorum
wants and consideration, emotion and logic
pain and desire,
love… and loss … the phone’s plastic
and her voice in it.
and so we part with all that logic waiting in the future
and all these emotional months to come.

gallagher
9 oct 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —