Archive for July, 1985


Monday, July 1st, 1985

Lise calls and can’t see me today for lunch
or tomorrow evening; control in her voice.
A letter will be written today explaining…
We hang up, softly; I should wait for the letter.

Outside, in the 9am sunshine of a 90’s day
I sit.
Eyes closed, sunlight and apprehension mixing.

I don’t want to wait for a letter
wondering all day what it will say
and all day tomorrow,
wondering if it will come.

I’ll call…
If it’s goodbye then let’s get to it.
If it’s not, then let’s say so.
I should wait, be considerate, give her space
but I’ve never been able
to wait on potential pain
if I have a choice.

Now is the only moment to deal.

1 jul 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1985-07-01 july 1st 85

Monday, July 1st, 1985
                                         july 1st 85
                          My love,
              I'm suffering from growing pains again.  I
         think I have sprouted up these past couple of
         years more than I have in the past ten years.  And
         it makes me feel like an adolescent, awkward and
         uncomfortable.  Self conscious and insecure at
         times.  When my life started unrolling I used to
         say I felt like a 15 year old.  I did not know
         then, how right I was.
              I am so very alone.  I have been tested to
         the limit all at once; and I am happy because I
         survive well, and I make it no matter what.
              Its like, 'Let's see how many things I can
         screw up, how many time before I learn my lessons.
         And I do learn, painfully.  And I like it.
              But the bottom line is that while its so easy
         to love the strong beautiful person inside of me;
         it takes real love and guts to accept the other
         me.  I can do it where other people are concerned,
         I love you; all of you, totally; I love Aaron in a
         similar manner.
              But me; I want me perfect!  Well!  Think
         girl, grow up!  Love makes me vulnerable and open
         to the core, and I just didn't want it to be this
         way with you and I'm mad at myself for having let
         all that insecurity surface, and worst of all to
         have let you in on it.  The hardest thing for me
         to do tomorrow will be to face you again knowing
         that you will not look at me in the same way; that
         now you are going to be careful of what you say; I
         don't want that to happen.  What a fool I am.  Let
         me write it again so it sinks in.  I AM A FOOL.
         And its OK, once in a while, isn't it?  I always
         say you need to be humbled; I think I need it much
         more than you do.
              I hope you still have respect for me, I
         couldn't, wouldn't want to see you if you didn't.
              I want you very much.
              I love you very much.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —


Tuesday, July 2nd, 1985

Hand of God
come fill this heart
and move these lips
praise and joy are mine.

I bow down
before this love
that fills me now
If this be worship
then I am, now.

02 July 1985

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —