Archive for December, 1985


Sunday, December 1st, 1985

These are notes from my calendar for November and December.
Thing were happening so fast and chaotically for several weeks
that I felt the need to record, day by day, the major events.

13 Nov – MACRO Society meeting. Lise worried if I’ll meet

15 Nov – Lunch at Lise’s. She shows me my pictures set out
for Anthony to see.

17 Nov – Anthony brings his kids to Lise’s. Returns that night.

18 Nov – I’m at Lise’s. She falls asleep on the couch early.

19 Nov – I’m at Lise’s. We talk about Anthony. Finally argue.
I leave next morning with ultimatim; him or me.

20 Nov – I lose my resolve and call Lise at work. Go see her.
She tells me she slept with Anthony Sunday night. Bad
night I spend at her place. Up all night. I call

21 Nov – 10 am racquet ball with Dave for anger. 4 hours work.
Run in the afternoon. Then aerobics. To Lise’s at

22 Nov – Lise promises to sleep with neither until its decided.
I take day off, spend it with Lise. Tell her my
fantasies about us. Anthony calls. Try to
arrange a 3 way meeting. Lise to Anthony’s at night.
Me to Rose’s.

23 Nov – With Rose to Long Beach to see Jim. Walk Westminster
Mall with Chris. I call Lise all day, can’t connect.
Anthony brings kids to Lise’s.
Rose off with Jack in evening. I go home. Lise calls
finally at 4pm.
see White Nights with dave and Shelly evening. Then
to Lise’s, she’s off early. Lise says I don’t have to
worry about Anthony any more. She told him she didn’t
want to continue. Then tells me she broke her promise.

24 Nov – At Lise’s, she acts very cold to me. I go to Rose’s
in the evening. Lise to work.

25 Nov – I work. Lise into Pick for resume work. I’m cold to
her. We make love violently at my place. I’m centered

26 Nov – I work. To Lise’s at night. See Santa movie. I cry.
Stay at Lise’s. Lise says she’ll see anthony as
‘friends’. My mood is so so.

27 Nov – I work. Good concentration. Erin from Berekely down
for lunch. I’m uncentered until I call Lise in the

29 Nov – I go see Lise at lunch time. We start to talk and
Rene comes over. Very tense. I decide no more, I

01 Dec – At Rose’s. Jim over.

02 Dec – Talk to Dave for help. He centers me. I go see Lise
at lunch and say no more. We’ll be friends if we can.
At Rose’s at night.

03 Dec – At Rose’s at night.

04 Dec – Rose has had enough of me. Asks for space. Run four
miles with Lise at lunch. We read Anthony’s letter
from Texas. Lise gives me a letter. Dancercise.

05 Dec – See Helen K. in the afternoon for lunch and talk.
Talk to Kathy in evening. Lise over after work, my
request. Violent love making, almost punishment.
no talking.

06 Dec – Lise calls during day; feels uncentered. Lunch with

07 Dec – Swap meet. Meet Gary Dixon. Anthony returns. I work.
Mood is dropping all day. Talk to Debbie at club.
Long run at lunch. Dance alone after. I see movie
alone at night. ‘Silent Earth’

08 Dec – To Rose’s in morning. We argue then peace. Day turns
out nice with family. I feel centered and immune to
Lise. Lise at Anthony’s.

09 Dec – I work. Lise phones; can’t make aerobics. Left stuff
up at Anthony’s. We argue. Agree to meet that night.
I talk to Dave again for help. Spend evening with
Lise. Agreed to be ‘last evening’. Tender lovemaking
I go at midnight to Rose’s. Do not intend to see Lise
again until I’m over things.

10 Dec – I go to work. Rose’s in eve. Dinner with Rose, Mary
Lou, and John. Depressing.

11 Dec – I work. Mood dropping all day. Thinking of Lise all
day. Noon aerobics. Night aerobics. Bad day.
Reading Shirley MacLaine.

12 Dec – I work. Depression deepening. To Price Club for
Lise’s photo’s at noon. Drop them without seeing
Lise. Start to stay home, can’t deal with it, go
to Rose’s. Everyone drunk. Rose and I argue about

13 Dec – I work. Terri’s xmas party at night. Talk to Joan a
lot. To Rose’s after.

14 Dec – At Rose’s. See Jewel of the Nile.

15 Dec – Day at Rose’s. We argue about Jack and general
situation. I go home in evening. Work on photo
albumn. Call Lise about negatives at work. Sleep

16 Dec – Off to Tuscon for Pick. Rose sees Jack in evening.

17 Dec – Return from Tuscon. Back to SJC to see Chris’ class.
Was going to stay at Rose’s. She’s acting weird and is
dead tired. We argue about Jack. I go home. Talk to
Karen. Call Rose late and argue more.

18 Dec – Work morning. Afternoon off with Kathy. First real
emotional peace in a month. She and I see White
Nights. She stays over.

19 Dec – Kathy goes. I work. Depression starts again. Pick xmas
party in the evening. Go by to see Lise on the way to
xmas party. Take Coke 1st. Lise and I agree to get
together in two weeks on her day off.

20 Dec – I work. To Rose’s in eve, dinner at Mary Lou’s. Nice

21 Dec – Day with Rose. Starts good. She packs for Seattle.
Dan takes stuff over to Jack’s, we argue. We recover. Jack
calls, we argue again. Bad feelings. I’m driving what’s left
of her love away.

22 Dec – Take Rose to LAX. Bad feeling whole way. We part at
LAX angry. I call Kathy going thru Long Beach. Meet
her parents. She comes to my place that afternoon.
Good evening.

23 Dec – Rose arrives Seattle, finally, 6 am. I decide to go.
Tell Tim at work. Go shopping for Xmas, buy nothing.
talk to Karen and Kathy in eve. Sleep badly. wake
at 1 am. Karen’s upset about something, won’t talk.

24 Dec – Off to Seattle 7am flight. Lise gone to Mexico with

25 Dec – Christmas at Dave and Ernie’s in Seattle. Peace.
Rose’s mother there.

26 Dec – Drive to Portland to see John and Cathy. Rose, Dan
and Chris along. Spend the night.

27 Dec – Back to Seattle.

28 Dec – Fly back to LA at 1 pm. Call Kathy, see her tonight
Call Karen, she’s OK, she’s in Love. Drop xmas stuff
in SJC. See Ray last time before Virgin Islands. Back to
Capriccio to see Lise. She and Anthony made
commitments over xmas in Mexico. I won’t be seeing her.
She’ll be moving to LA soon. I drive on to Long Beach
to Kathy’s. Depressed. Kathy and I do lot’s of coke.
I feel it’s finally over with Lise.

29 Dec – At Kathy’s in am. Good talk. Come to see emotional
insecurity underlies all my problems. Home to Irvine
in afternoon. Raining, I sit on patio. Kathy off to
Valley to see John. Lise preparing to go to Mexico
for New Year’s with Anthony. Rose in Seattle. I’m
sad and centered.

30 Dec – I work. Rose arrives LAX.

31 Dec – New Year’s party at Mary Lou’s with Rose. My vow’s


— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1985-12-?? Lise

Sunday, December 1st, 1985


Top small
Skirt 5
Pants 7
Shoes 7 1/2
Bra 32a

– note on Lise’s clothing sizes for Xmas

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —


Monday, December 2nd, 1985

On this rainy afternoon I went to see Lise
with a strange and poignant feeling in my heart.

I told her that there had been enough pain
and enough hurt between us
and that I had woken up from a long sleep
trapped in bad dreams of maya and possession.

She’d looked at me when I first came
with a mixture of apprehensive and fear
and I’d hugged her and told her
I hadn’t come to hassle anymore
so she made tea and we began to talk.

I told her that how I’d been acting lately
is not how I really am;
that our love, so deep and strong,
had taken me beyond anyplace I knew
and that I had gotten lost in it,
in the intensity and depth of it,
and had forgotten who I was.

But now, I said, I had awoken could see again.
I said, “I love you and I want what’s best for you.”.

And, in that timeless moment that our eyes
always seem to find, I set her free of our love
and all of its entanglements…

there was more…
the touching of hands, the joy of release,
and the recognitions we both made
seeing those moments unfold before us…between us.

In her eyes I saw a deep amazement
and then a feeling of compassion and love and gratitude
that mixed there as richly as her passion’s warmth
and in my heart I felt some burden lifted from me
and I felt a deep love and peace towards her.

There was a feeling of rightness about it;
I felt that something very special
had happened between us and it had freed us,
had freed us to let our memories
be as good as our love was…
to let us be friends…
to let her work out what her future with Anthony will be
without the aching awareness of my pain
and to let me believe again that love, properly held,
can cut through any pain.

02 Dec 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —