Summa - 20 March 1975
Getting a pattern of what I've been being:
I've been finding my value in what I've seen
as my spiritual development.
Any conversation turns to it quickly with new people.
I thought it was because it was interesting to me,
but its for the ego trip of showing off my best!
I think I'm back to intellectualizing as much now as four years ago
when I first began to grow with Huxley and Nan and Norm Self.
In encounter groups I'm honest without being emotionally open,
with Wendy I'm deep but without showing myself,
with Dennis Estabrook, I was straining to compare knowledge.
It seems as long as I'm able to shape other's impressions of me,
I do, and then I believe what they believe of me.
But it's wearing thin; this pattern,
thin enough that Dennis E. saw it
and I saw it, myself, with Wendy.
I'm tempted to decide what to do, here,
but I think it would be better if I didn't.
But rather just watch the pattern to avoid it
and so, find my way by elimination.
gallagher
20 mar 75
csulb
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —