There must be reasons, I know, for this miserable play— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
that I should have loved her… to see her taken away.
Her promises, much brighter than most,
now lie abandoned by their delirious host.
She had possessions and a mind of razored fire
and, when she could hold it, compassion and fine desire.
I know its for something, that its all come down this way.
Am I to learn understanding of it or to have the sense to step away?
It seems the months of this last year
have been filled with people like me, far too much I fear.
Kathy’s centered ego, so very much like my own,
mocks my need to hold her, her mirror brings it home.
And Helen’s hyper-brightness, her driving needs to win
lead me to my own belief that less than the best’s a sin.
Its no chance, these people, more like me than me
have come to give reflections of the things I never see
I wane much more sober, beaten back again
by the difference in the dreams I nurture and the ways reality
bends.
gallagher
september 27, 78
Archive for 1978
1978-09-27
Wednesday, September 27th, 19781978-10-01
Sunday, October 1st, 1978
The long roll of days now coming' thru
have got me held between ... time and my dreams.
I cast about ... in love ... and out.
See how it goes ... it changes like the wind
its not so bad ... something will come to pass
I gather myself against these days
like a man who loves the winter and draws his coat closer
come, and play for me, life
ultimately you must leave me beyond repair, I know
but this far I've been blessed
I love you more than most of my brothers, I think
I seek your razor edged dividings ... decidings
Your Karmic truths and gaping paradoxes
You will make or break me ...
Why should I turn away, you're the only game in town
we just fool ourselves that there are others.
So you begin again, here, some new incomprehensible rhythms
my loves exchange ... rearrange ... the mirror continues to stare
and I, day by day, ... can see better ... more
We dance, you and I, ... pupil and teacher
creator and creation ... mirrored hands of God
groping towards ... something.
gallagher
01 oct 78
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
1978-10-07
Saturday, October 7th, 1978An uneasy anxiety hangs over me me…the hours braced against some unknown— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
have I lived too hard this week…too many nights short of sleep
have they left my emotions off center?
Too much food, love, and coffee…too little sleep and alone time
and the running I’ve not done…what have I gained for these excesses?
Kathy’s leaving Nichols has driven us closer to where I’ve waited for months.
We each hold each other to prevent the dividing…without hope or sense
so tonight I’m here empty…anxious…feeling small and torn of soul
Helen, ripped from my page by some greater censor…
leaving silence in her wake
fills me with confused thoughts between the pandemonium.
I don’t love her without reserve, but I do love her…
I know I play my own game to win
but how could she leave me such silence after our struggles?
I sense disassembly waiting in these next days…fall from flight
I sense a new beginning & ending…grace gone for a walk
I sense some wish of mine becoming, somehow, and very different
from what I’ve intended…confused spiritualist and egotist
is it no wonder I love life
when I’m not beating myself to death with it?
gallagher
oct 07, 78