SamadhiMuse

They’re bruising me, these days
ever since I met her its been chaos in emotion city.
The lady’s a razor … the lady’s just too much.
The lady keeps me in free fall … in love.

She comes on electric … hyper.
She’s got intelligence to burn … a quicksilver mind.
Small and wiry … she’s been wounded and maimed
and her wit and opinions are quick to reclaim the loss.

And her fantasies!  …she walked me thru them … a farmer’s son.
Dazzled my simple love and even acceptance,
made love to my body … to my eyes … my hands
until I sustained a smile two days running.

She’s a woman I’d give up a lot for – and ache if it was enough.
But she’s got a lot of past to sort before this could be real.
She led me in because it felt so good, to love…to fall into it.
But she’s not really ready to play
and I don’t know if falling in love can be put on hold.

So, today, rinsed and drained … emptied … more real and yet less
I think I can learn to see her like the others, but not easily.
I want to love so simply … I want to love so singly.
I don’t know why it should be so hard.
Why am I always loving someone else’s love?

gallagher
18 aug 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

What is all this to me?
What am I supposed to see … to learn here?
That I loved someone, briefly …
and then watched her unravel
and sift away like sand?

Manic/depressive …
driven to the ends of her personality
and unable to make a stand.

Are we, then, no more than our personality patterns?

Is it
that I am to see
that there is no deeper essence
beneath the things we believe we are?

Is she, then, all of her, gone
when she disassembles?

Am I to disbelieve in spirit
when I cannot find hers?

A combination of intelligence
and an over-driven nervous system;
some parts striving, some parts of
ego, caring, memories, presence…
and beauty….

Some parts terror and vanity, courage and cowardice…
and hurt….

A form with too much energy to maintain itself
against the entropy we call insanity.

She has crossed the barrier again.
And much like the child’s tale of frosty the snowman …
we dare not love her too long.

gallagher
27 september 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —