SamadhiMuse

                                                        May 25th.85
                                        Hey Dennis speaking,
            I've been looking at that little girl on my chest of
    drawers.  So cute, so submissive, so sweet.  You, who have been used
    to such strong women.  You've got your rock of Gibralter down south,
    keeping everything together for you, and then, there's me and the
    others, all pretty strong women I suspect.  How are you going to
    deal with all that unassertivness?  What?  What did you say?  You're
    going to try hard?  A new challenge?  An enlightening experience?  I
    can see your smile from here.
            This is all on my mind because I'm going to miss you so.  My
    feelings have evolved without even consulting me.  So fast.  Nobody
    said, "Lise, we're contemplating going to the next step up.  What do
    you think?".  No-o-o-o.  It all happened behind my back.  When I
    wasn't looking.  And I thought I had everything under control.  The
    girl needed to be humbled.  But then so did you.  The man with the
    perfect life.  Thank God I came along!  You needed me too, sweetie.
            And now here it is.  I love you with all my heart.  Can't go
    back on that.  Put that feather in your cap, Gallagher.  Another one
    bites the dust.
            Not so, not so.  I'm going to be just fine.  But you are
    going to leave me with such a big void in my life.  I mean, what do
    I do when I want to touch you, kiss you, love you.  How do I do all
    of that long distance?  Who is going to kiss my breasts the way you
    do, who is going to kiss my neck, touch me, make love to me the way
    you do?  Ask your computers.
            It's not only that.  You have been a great friend.  You have
    done so much for me these past few months.  You have helped me
    financially, emotionally, you have loved me no matter what.
    Truthfully, you have surprised me.  The way it looks is that I take
    and you give.  Do I give you anything?  Can you let me?  I love you,
    sweetie.  And I want you.  So get your beautiful ass over here and
    let me make you feel good.
                                        Lise
    - written the day after Lise's surgery.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                                         july 1st 85
                          My love,
              I'm suffering from growing pains again.  I
         think I have sprouted up these past couple of
         years more than I have in the past ten years.  And
         it makes me feel like an adolescent, awkward and
         uncomfortable.  Self conscious and insecure at
         times.  When my life started unrolling I used to
         say I felt like a 15 year old.  I did not know
         then, how right I was.
              I am so very alone.  I have been tested to
         the limit all at once; and I am happy because I
         survive well, and I make it no matter what.
              Its like, 'Let's see how many things I can
         screw up, how many time before I learn my lessons.
         And I do learn, painfully.  And I like it.
              But the bottom line is that while its so easy
         to love the strong beautiful person inside of me;
         it takes real love and guts to accept the other
         me.  I can do it where other people are concerned,
         I love you; all of you, totally; I love Aaron in a
         similar manner.
              But me; I want me perfect!  Well!  Think
         girl, grow up!  Love makes me vulnerable and open
         to the core, and I just didn't want it to be this
         way with you and I'm mad at myself for having let
         all that insecurity surface, and worst of all to
         have let you in on it.  The hardest thing for me
         to do tomorrow will be to face you again knowing
         that you will not look at me in the same way; that
         now you are going to be careful of what you say; I
         don't want that to happen.  What a fool I am.  Let
         me write it again so it sinks in.  I AM A FOOL.
         And its OK, once in a while, isn't it?  I always
         say you need to be humbled; I think I need it much
         more than you do.
              I hope you still have respect for me, I
         couldn't, wouldn't want to see you if you didn't.
              I want you very much.
              I love you very much.
                                 Lise

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —