SamadhiMuse

            I just want new words to say
              how I feel about you.
                              Lise
                              11 Nov 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

           November 26.1985        11.am
           Feelings cleared.  Still confusion but I like it better.  Anger;
      anger at myself; Dennis; Anthony.  Back and forth, back and forth.
      Understanding better.
           The bottom line is not my love for Dennis but my lack of trust
      in his love.  He said he loved me so much, he said he was in love, he
      talked about the future in terms of 'arrangements'.
                How was I to know?
           I have read his poems, all of them over and over again.  The
      ones about women talk about love, passion, being in love; how was I
      to know it was this way, how was I to know I wasn't also passing
      through?
           He said and I read (about) how much he loved Kim; how when he
      left for Canada, in spite of all the love he had for her, he found
      other women, but then came back and wanted to start again with her.
      Was it going to be this way with me?  Is that what I want?  You said
      you loved me without reservations, but for my children.  I know one
      day I will have them again.  How the hell would you deal with that?
      How long would your love last?  From a man who said if he had to
      raise his own precious little boy, "he guesses" it would be OK, he
      guesses he could make it; he would manage!
           And how about all the months you slept with your wife?  Not that
      long ago you were still trying to have a child with her.
           And you were in love with me?
           I gave it all to you, love, passion and me.  Who is the flake?
      The man with the wife, the man I was always expecting to be meeting
      someone else, the one who has been leaving for over a year now, the
      man ---
                             - never finished -
                                          Lise
                                          26 Nov 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                                             December 4, 85
                             Sweetie,
              So many subdued feelings.  Sadness, relief, a
         sense of loss, expectations, questions, many more.
              I am so happy we parted this way.  I want your
         friendship, if you want mine, of course.  You and I are
         so close and so similar in so many ways, it'll be a
         treat to see each other change and evolve, to see the
         directions we have taken.  You can count on my support,
         if you ever need help for anything and I can give it to
         you, please call.
              It is so ironic that only now, you come to realize
         that in the future you want with one woman what I have
         always wanted with one man!  To think that it was the
         main difference we had!!!
              If I left you one legacy I am happy and proud to
         have been the first one to show you how to be in love.
              I was thinking about you last night.  Thinking
         about this feeling I have that your real life is just
         about to begin.
              So many changes all at once.  You and Rose,
         closing the chapter, you and I parting, Rajneesh over,
         and Canada coming to reality.  It's all brand new, it's
         exciting, there's nowhere to go but up.  You have so
         much going for you.  And now you are complete, the
         finishing touches have been added.  I can see the
         difference in you, the little boy, the spoiled brat has
         matured.  Your life has been turned around, it is just
         beginning now.  Good luck babe.  Good luck to me too.  I
         need it.  I'm not sure where I am going.  I have risked
         everything, but I'm not afraid of taking chances, I've
         done it before, and if I lose, I'll just move on.
                              Babe I love you.  I really really
                              do.  keep in touch.
                              xxx
                              Lise

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —