Archive for the ‘Joan’ Category

1987-11-20

Friday, November 20th, 1987


   An early winter evening with
      motorcycle wind and headlights moving
   through the lights 
      of houses full of warmth.
   I open the door 
      into a darkened room
  and the sound 
     of running feet.
   She is there 
      with the smell of incense
   lighting candles 
      behind the bedroom door.

   She has George Winston's 
   music playing 
   And I feel deeply blessed  
      to see her love, 
   her playfulness, 
      her passion.
   My hands are cold from the dark ride
      and she enfolds me,
   and kisses my neck like the heat 
      from a winter wood stove.
   Such feelings of intimacy fill me.
      And in this moment 
 I am both spirit and flesh; 
   Transient, and yet imperishable.

   This washes over me ... 
   I.   am.   loved.

   So many years, 
      and so many women,
   I've passed through 
      just to gain this vision.
   Just to be able 
      to see how deep 
   her goodness, sincerity,
      and caring, are.
   I tell her this 
      and she laughs at me.

   She says it just takes some of us longer 
      than others to see the obvious.
 
 I can see that these soft experiences 
   of intimate reality are
   so much of what is real 
         and worthy in us.
   And that all the rest 
    are only the moments 
            between these moments.
   But....      but...

   These human moments of ours
      can also pass in darkness. 
   
 In jungles . ..from where gaze
     fearful hidden eyes 
  amid the scream of bullets  
      where women hide babies
 with hands covered by dirt. 
   Places of terror and death.
   And these are ours as well.
        For we are
  both the light 
    and the shadow.

   This world cannot see it's insane.

   But I will remember 
   what is real.
   And I, too, 
   will dim the room and burn incense
   for someone.
      and gather our small love 
  and peace 
   against the storm.

                                    gallagher
                                    20 Nov 87

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1988-11-10 On the edge of the end

Thursday, November 10th, 1988

On the edge of the end

We talked and talked.
And, after she saw how much I cared, she held my hand
and let that gentle inner spirit show in her eyes
like I haven’t seen for days for all the tears and pain.

And I said,
It’s down to the fact that you can’t decide about me.
It’s driving me crazy, my intellect says, ‘run’, she’s going
to drop you, and my heart says, ‘stop’, you love her too
much to ever go.
And, in the end, this was much of the reason
for the pain I caused you. My own insecurity.

I said,
the only way to go from here, if we try,
is to redouble our efforts and ‘fight’ for our relationship.
But if she’d had trouble committing before
how about now after I’d trashed her feelings and love
by my stupidity.
And she agreed, it would take time to get by that.

In the end I saw that I’d come to talk her out of
walking away from me forever and into a new try at
making it together. And she said it was too far to go
in too short a time given what I’d done and she’d felt.
She said the fact that we could talk at all was a lot.

So we were at impasse again. Me wanting to begin our
relationship with new commitment and her wanting time.

I said to her,
You own me something…
You own me a decision in some reasonable amout of time.
It makes me crazy to love you and not know if we’re
joining or parting.

And she said,
after all you’ve done to my heart, you owe me something.
Some time.

And so we left it….

gallagher
10 nov 88


— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1988-11-10 Priorities

Thursday, November 10th, 1988

Priorities

I said,

if two people love each other
and are in a consensus based releationship
and one says to the other
that ‘this’ thing is important to me
then the other, out of love, would probably agree.
and she agreed.

Then all I’m saying is that I love you
and that these things are VERY important to me.
please don’t prevent me.

and you’re saying
and I love you, but don’t ask me
to give up my right to prevent you

gallagher
10 nov 88 #2


— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —