So, today, I played the French tape Lise gave me.
Months ago I put it away, too painful to confront. I
remember her telling me what every song said and how
she loved the singers and the love stories there. But,
now, after time has passed, I listen and memories
trigger, poignant and distant, as rich as the passion
and feelings we had then when I was riding for such a
fall. And now the sunlight pours in these March
windows as I sit transfixed by October memories and my
life is new again. That she marked me was never at
issue. Though my survival, when she left, was. She
was the first to open my heart and bring me full out
into the world of love and risk, of feeling and of
passion and pain. Everything is new now because of
her. I feel and I risk. I’ve cleared old debts and
compromises. I’m learning now to deal with one woman
at a time. To give what I want in honesty and
commitments. I see now that love’s moment is now,
feelings are immediate things and that all my old
compromises were just my intellect and cautions
overlaying my love with saftey nets. So the sunlight
pours in here and I wonder; should I call Lise and
thank her and send her these thoughts or should I call
Joan and tell her I love her. A strange mix of sadness
and joy here as my memories empty and my heart fills
and the music plays.
gallagher
25 Mar 86
– a 1st attempt at prose with poetic feelings driving
it.
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —