SamadhiMuse

      Nothing to say … though I try
      if I wrote her a letter
      or myself a poem
      what would I say?
      That I love something about her?
      That I ache from our sophisticated
      lack of trust?
      Its so confusing … I try so hard to resolve it
      but there’s never enough to go on
      with emotions high and she as complex as I
      and much less thought out
      or self understood
      I wish it would simplify
      and I wish we would learn some bottom line trust
      and I know it’ll be difficult with us both so alike,
      self-centered, used to winning.
      I want to love, badly, but I won’t lose if I see it coming
      I’m left waiting thru weeks and months
      of ever closer and closer passages to what she thinks
      until I want to shout ‘Open up..!’ … trust me
      and yet, her time’s not right.
      Her marriage unraveling…
      her ego expressions of sexuality gaining wings…
      her freedom beckoning…
      They all cast me a ‘rebound man’
      and both she and I can see it.
      Nothing to say, though I try…
      if i wrote her a letter…or myself a poem.
                              gallagher
                              25 jul 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

      Ego-bound mirrors reflecting each other
      I turn uneasy beneath cautions born of self-preservation
      neither of us can say our heart
      without fear and some reserve
      and I wonder if she or I or the both of us
      are the cause.
      Every criticism I think to give her
      applies to me equally well
      and I see again and again
      how I must look to her and the others
      I give her the truth in all things that concern her
      and yet the self-barriers come down so hard between us.
      I’m poor at waiting for my heart to turn
      I want my life to simplify
      not to avoid these new truths I wrestle with
      between security and freedom’s edge
      but just in how I wrestle them with another.
      We’ve got to speak our minds to advance
      or to break off
      and I’m so poor at waiting.
                           gallagher
                           25 jul 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

         I turn her every word now
         look and listen endlessly
         play over all our conversations
         to find out what she thinks of me
         Is it that I’m so insecure that
         I can’t bear to love alone
         or is my common sense here
         saving me from a deeper wound?
         Three days I loved her deeply
         but now she’s there and I’m here
         both free, without commitments
         we dance a dance we both could lead
         but it never seems to happen
         Our love waits here behind our eyes
         we know too much about us
         about our past’s and all our lies
         I’m confused and torn of heart now
         I want to love, I want to win…
         I want the strength to be a free man
         and I want a lover who takes me in.
         I’ve told her I want to share love
         those secret spaces deep inside
         but we wait to begin love
         and I can’t tell if she’s scared
         or if its I
         …and I can tell if she’s scared
               or, if its I.
                              gallagher
                              26 jul 78

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —