Shadow weekend, Berkeley and San Fransisco.— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
Helen and feelings and emptiness
torn fabric from another cloth
we could touch and talk but there was something gone between
I reached across to where she was…eyes of love
but the distance was much too far.
Her world comes apart every two weeks
and she’s here and I’m there…
“Doctor my eyes” by Jackson Browne played
and I told her I felt like that … I see too clear
its something about my ability to emphasize, to see
that is what she needs so badly
‘Touch me with some reality beyond these labels and acts,
beyond the ache of acute insanities and those screaming doubts
about the future and relief.’, her eyes say.
I can, I care … but it costs me some deep ache,
some transference … some ultimate barrier beyond which
my empathy and her haunted eyes cannot … cannot go.
As the jet rose I took my peace and understanding back…
it can only be given as token…
the abyss waits on all of us in various degrees my sister
good luck to you… what else can I say….?
gallagher
10 dec 78
– upon leaving SF and visiting helen
o’flarity
Archive for the ‘People’ Category
1978-12-10
Sunday, December 10th, 19781978-12-19
Tuesday, December 19th, 1978Drinkin wine, coming home here late at night— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
she’s calling me back for ten years
she’s so pretty
Just having her in my life makes me feel special
I wonder how to save this feeling
I feel love come stealing behind my eyes
I see her hair … her face and feelings
she’s too much like what I always wanted
that others seem foolish and her vision clearer.
How can I hold this feeling…
ten years wore it down.
C.S. Lewis whispers to me … its the Devil come posing
He’s habit and taking for granted that good love is common
and that we’re not necessarily cast with our best mate.
He’s long lookin without sight … he’s un-huhs and half heard
Ah, beneath it all … we’ll grow old together or apart
everything’s for something … every play has its purpose
That love has stood so long could be my lesson
or just another meaningless rhyme in life’s fathomless song
but do I care here … no, I still see my vision’s light
her love speaks to me tonight.
gallagher
19 dec 78
1978-12-30
Saturday, December 30th, 1978Kathi came back after two months— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
and a confused prod from me
I hadn’t missed her but I thought I did
before it was done melancholy had spoken to me
‘she’s not what I need’, her love and my confusion
they just leave both of us to bleed here
where we meet … I among my lovers
and she beside her marriage.
It cloyed on me … the energy it took to
maintain honesty and candor when we both
had such different needs, became too much.
Energy for what? it was going nowhere.
She asked, “Its over because I love you?”.
and I replyed, “Yes, if you didn’t and it was casual
then it wouldn’t have mattered that it
was a pointless relationship … no one would have taken it
seriously. It would have taken nothing from either of us.”
With the strength and integrity I’ve so admired in her
she dealt with this, and without recriminations or retaliation
walked out decidedly … in tears.
she’s one hell of a person …
I’ll never understand why I didn’t love her.
gallagher
Long Beach – about Kathi K.
12-30-78