SamadhiMuse

                       Phones and Showers
         Gut churned morning
           when I wake and all bets are off
         Cathy said I needed a big hurt
           and Rose obliged the next day.

         "It all just happened", Dennis,
           "He touched me like I usually don't let you
           so I could prove what
           I seldom let you prove to me;
           that I'm desirable.
           But its OK, it was just
           comforting he gave me,
           somehow, it seemed, then, I needed it,
           for your best wasn't good enough."

         No faith when I needed you, but, you're right,
           I was trying to separate us easily
           and play at a bit of machismo too
         and you called my bluff.

         Thank you, I think...
           I'd forgotten how hard
         those single games could get
           but now I should make it;
              no one could possibly kick me
                 that hard again.

                              gallagher
                              23 Mar 75
                              Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

           I've tried so hard to be up front, Baby,
           knowing the others don't understand me
           or believe me...and hoping you did.
           But if I never hear your voice on that phone again
           or see you step from the shower
           washing him away...saying,
           "We just went to dinner, Dennis."
           It will be far too soon.

           Why couldn't you be up front, Baby?
           and not waste my time like that
           making all my efforts at honesty
           into just a pitiful taste in my mouth
           so that I'm reduced to wondering why
           I didn't hurt you first.
           Why I waited, out of reluctance,
           so we could share the bitter pill equally
           and together
           as the way of least hurt for both of us?

           Word fail me now
           I just see showers...and his hands
           and your game...as if I were Eric
           and as if I wasn't worth your effort
           to be up front, always and forever.
           Its cold here in this reality
           you've made for us.

                           gallagher
                           25 mar 75
                           Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Today I learned to love my wife
            though she touched another
            and I give thanks
            for one more crutch removed.

            Today, love was the same love
            but my fear was less.

            Love's beginning to overwhelm me
            and my control's slipping.
            Today machismo and jealousy
            were found to be just forms
            which but poorly define
            the word love.

            Today, faith, such an anathema
            to the preservation of my ego,
            carried me off a little further
            into the total chaos of oneness.

                           gallagher
                           26 mar 75
                           Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —