SamadhiMuse

         Rose said
            she’s decided within these last few days
            that she wants a ‘real’ marriage;
            she’s 37 and she wants a future.
         She said she used to love me
            to the point of idolizing me
            but now, … now she likes Jack a lot
            and, if he asks, she’ll continue
            to go with him.
         And, as for me …
            she’s not sure …
            she wants my love back like it was
            and she wants to hold me at a distance
            and comfort my pain like a mother
            but not to touch my body
            like a woman.
         Lise has left me a legacy;
            perhaps not what she’s imagined.
            She’s driven me to my knees
            with pain and insecurity
            but not before she saw me
            cut Rose to the bone
            with my love for her.
         And now Rose recedes as Lise did
            and my buddhist enlightened futures
            come a crushers with Christmas
            and a new year and life.
                              gallagher
                              13 dec 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

                       As Kathy lies sleeping
         I’m caught in such a storm of Karma and learning
           and of anger and jealousy and fear of being alone
         that I hardly know what I’m doing or saying
           from moment to moment.
         Sometimes I wonder if I’m indulging myself;
           if I could have better control if I tried
         but then I think, “The energy has to go somewhere,
           you just can’t sit on it”
         Lise’s loss is becoming acceptable
           and now I’m locked into a battle
         of love and insecurity with Rose.
           Loving Rose who has unselfishly helped me
         through every storm and hurt
           that Lise spawned.
         I rake Rose again and again with my insecurity
           and its demands; I’m trigger edged
         at any mention of Jack and his intertwining
           with my family and our friends.
         And all of this … all of this by my own hand
           with Lise’s help.
         I want Rose’s love and security, as it was,
           but I’m so deeply afraid it may never be the same.
         My love for Lise may have broken that deep bond
           and now the best I can have
         is a world where I’m loved
           if I can tolerate Jack’s presence.
                                    gallagher
                                    22 dec 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Poetry and reflection come for almost anything today
            except Rose.
            if emotional insecurity is
            at the center of my problems
            then she is the diamond
            in the navel of it.
            That I love her and need her
            is to say I breath.
            Life is nearly unimaginable
            without her
            at the center of my world.
            Everything else has been transient
            save her constant love.
                                    gallagher
                                    29 dec 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —