Archive for the ‘Christchurch’ Category

2010-02-25 – Corrosion of the Soul

Thursday, February 25th, 2010

It's a thing that corrodes the soul
   when the person you love the most in the world
has decided that you are wrong
   and unforgivable.

I sit quietly with music playing in my headphones
   on a park bench
with the willow trees swaying
   and people and their dogs running and walking by.

A sort of peace fills me
   as the wind talks to my skin
and George Winston's music fills my mind
   but I'm empty and most of me is gone.

Corroded, bleached, driven down, hammered into absence.

I think, "What am I interested in?   What's different?"
   and nothing responds.
      The one with the passions has gone.

Having the one you love most in the world
   feel this way about you
breaks the mirror in which you have seen yourself
   and felt loved.

And then there is the empty silence and your stomach.

In the sky, an enormous cloud with shafts of sunlight pouring through it
   and a bird winging its way across the tableaux
      but my stomach says to fear everything.

It is good that I'm not an insecure person
   with deep self-esteem issues
or I would have crumbled before this
   corrosion and disdain long ago.

But, it's faded me
   and crawls about in my stomach
and leaves me without ambitions
   or dreams.

25Feb10
gallagher

— Copyright 1965-2010 by Dennis Gallagher —

2011-08-11

Thursday, August 11th, 2011

How often have I held a woman fast in the night
   to awaken and find myself sundered in the day.

How transient all our doings are
   and how easily swept away.

gallagher
28Aug2011

— Copyright 1965-2011 by Dennis Gallagher —

2011-08-31

Sunday, October 2nd, 2011

I don't think I'll ever let anyone know
   how closely madness came to claiming me this winter.

Murderous thoughts have been my unrelenting companions
   on many nights as I've thought of how
      to hurt those who have so hurt me.

One night, I lay tortured; one moment asking for the light of the highest good,
   and the next with visions of murder raging in me
      back and forth until I rose at dawn exhausted.

I fear these bouts.   I fear that one day, pushed too far,
   I will simply rise and depart from sanity and responsibility,
and make true my claim,
   that I do not, in the final event,
      respect the law, if it cannot redress my complaints.

In my thoughts, there is no force in the law that can save someone,
   from another who thinks that the law and redress 
      belong to him and his Karma.

He that has a deadly aim to not be undone and bereft,
   while he still has breath and choice.

Where this leads, I know not.

I just know my pain is near an edge and I have trouble seeing why
   those who have done me so ill should not taste of that same well.

gallagher
31Aug2011

— Copyright 1965-2011 by Dennis Gallagher —