I reach for my feelings— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
and try to give them form in words
to capture the moments
when I rise above the stream of my life’s history
and gaze with horror or rapture
on the forms I’ve invested my life in.
Less these days do I rise…
so tight have drawn the habits
of the things and the people I love.
There’s no measure
by which my life is not adequate
and yet, somewhere inside,
I still turn restless
wanting the ice water shock of everything new
that maximum becoming
that must arise from starting as nothing.
The love is not so bad these days…Rose and my children
I’ve never been more blessed
and she, she loves me enough
to let me have my time and space alone.
More these months I turn restless against my work
I remember realizing sometime ago
the difference between
the absorption of creativity
and the mire of baroque detail.
gallagher
21 September 1981
sjc
Archive for the ‘San Juan Capistrano’ Category
1981-09-21
Monday, September 21st, 19811981-11-29 – Chris didn’t know
Sunday, November 29th, 1981
Our lives are made fragile by the things that we love
and the years our love brings to bear.
Chris lay sleeping as I prepared to leave
and I stood and stared thru the bars of his crib.
He loves me to tickle him and his eyes shine as he squeals
and he can say 'Da-dee' and does, again and again.
Some place from far back inside of me
as I looked watching him sleep
I thought of how fragile are all of our lives.
The patterns of security, comfort and association we erect
against these wars and illnesses, crimes and disasters...
none of them are less real, because we love.
Its just that my perception
of how life and its vagaries comes together
with our love and its attachments
has sharpened with age.
As the blunders of youth's mania
and other distortions fall away
and I see the 'human condition' more,
and I cringe at how naked we stand.
But Chris didn't know ... even that I was leaving
his blankets and thumb and baby fat warmth
defined the world he knows.
gallagher
29 Nov 1981
LAX, Vancouver bound
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
1982-09-22 Long time sleeping
Wednesday, September 22nd, 1982Long time sleeping— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
Sometimes I lay awake at night
and my thoughts just crawl like liquid snakes
and my life seems to pass in front of me;
the waste, the traps, and the mistakes.
I remember all the years like snapshots
when Rose and I were younger
and the images and dreams turn inside of me
like hopes; my wishes, my friends.
I lay awake and ache for
just how terribly little I’ve learned
that our once simple love like children
is now the colder love of just friends
09-22-82