Archive for the ‘1986’ Category

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1986-03-19

Wednesday, March 19th, 1986 
            With laughter and patience
                 conversation and gentle touch,
            you coax me to feel again
              making me see it's time for
                 new challenges.
            The months of my learning to be alone
                 stretch behind me
            partly chosen, partly "fate" -
            It seemed I'd been always meeting
                 the "wrong guys" -
            loosing myself in them,
                 but in a way that meant pain.
            It seemed I'd feel so much, but come up
                 empty.
            So, looking for reasons inside myself,
                 I've been seeking peace of mind.
            All my time and all my searching...
            I think my ideas of Love
                 were more about HAVING.
            Me too concerned with someone
                 giving it to me.
            I need the courage
              to let Love be something growing, giving,
                 and free.
            I've been wanting answers
                 but they cannot be demanded.
            And that's part of the challenge of Life:
            How much do we trust Life and our lessons
                 and ourselves?
            You make me feel I'm in a new stage of learning.
            Can I risk?  Can I trust?  Can I give?
                                 Joan
                                 March 19-20, 1986

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

Posted in 1986, By Others, Irvine, Joan | No Comments »

1986-03-21 Chris birthday meditations

Friday, March 21st, 1986 

                       Chris’ birthday meditations
                  You have to give the things you want.
                  If you give dishonesty and deceit
                  then expect it.
                  Give what you want,
                  be what you want.
                  If you are tempted to transgress
                  your own spiritual convictions
                  and you think, ‘just this once’
                  then you risk much.
                  And with each repetition
                  the danger grows more grave.
                  For, as your habit grows,
                  your belief in yourself
                  as a growing spiritual being
                  diminishes.
                                    gallagher
                                    3/21/86
                  – written in SJC on Swallow’s day weekend
                  when I stayed over for Chris’ birthday.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

Posted in 1986, AAA - Recommended, Chris, San Juan Capistrano, Spiritual | No Comments »

1986-03-25

Tuesday, March 25th, 1986 

              So, today, I played the French tape Lise gave me.
         Months ago I put it away, too painful to confront.  I
         remember her telling me what every song said and how
         she loved the singers and the love stories there.  But,
         now, after time has passed, I listen and memories
         trigger, poignant and distant, as rich as the passion
         and feelings we had then when I was riding for such a
         fall.  And now the sunlight pours in these March
         windows as I sit transfixed by October memories and my
         life is new again.  That she marked me was never at
         issue.  Though my survival, when she left, was.  She
         was the first to open my heart and bring me full out
         into the world of love and risk, of feeling and of
         passion and pain.  Everything is new now because of
         her.  I feel and I risk.  I’ve cleared old debts and
         compromises.  I’m learning now to deal with one woman
         at a time.  To give what I want in honesty and
         commitments.  I see now that love’s moment is now,
         feelings are immediate things and that all my old
         compromises were just my intellect and cautions
         overlaying my love with saftey nets.  So the sunlight
         pours in here and I wonder; should I call Lise and
         thank her and send her these thoughts or should I call
         Joan and tell her I love her.  A strange mix of sadness
         and joy here as my memories empty and my heart fills
         and the music plays.
                                    gallagher
                                    25 Mar 86
         – a 1st attempt at prose with poetic feelings driving
         it.

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

Posted in 1986, Irvine, Joan, Lise | No Comments »

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