The concert continues … the players rearrange themselves— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
careful not to lose your identity as the roles change
what you are must be independent of who you’re with
or you can lose yourself if they leave.
The evening allowed me my time alone
the music, the running, the book by Irwin Shaw
that Kathy gave me … I think on every page…she read this.
I’m thirty … is it so bad … I love … am loved
if someone comes, stays or leaves … is it so bad?
can it be so bad if I am constant, if I can resist
the maddening urge to ‘need’ love in order to feel OK
resist the urge to invest myself
at the first sign of acceptance from another.
Just love them as they are, as they come…
am I a coward … Kathi said I hedge my bets
but she says this from inside a marriage
I just don’t know … I’ll invest all I can
without losing myself or my beliefs
and if its too hard, I’ll pull back.
I cannot do better
win or lose
and so the concert continues….
gallagher
11 september 78
Archive for the ‘Kathi’ Category
1978-09-11
Monday, September 11th, 19781978-10-14 Kathi K.
Saturday, October 14th, 1978Kathi K.— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
Conjunction marred by a mismatch in love
we look thru different glasses
she loves me with magic and depth
and I care for her deeply, but not the same
Intelligence, passion, ideals, … so much.
She read a list I made
of all the things I want in a woman
and she wondered where she missed
I read it too, then, and reflected …
I don’t know either
she’s there in every respect
with more of each thing, and in balance,
than any of these others that confuse my feelings
and yet … and yet some deep magic
will not quicken
I know I must trust my feeling
or put my life into limbo
but I don’t understand any more than she
why it is so … why must my compassion and integrity
struggle blind while she loves unrepaired.
gallagher
Long Beach
10-14-78
1978-12-05 For Kathi K
Tuesday, December 5th, 1978For Kathi K— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
And what of you, Kathi … that the season buries you
beneath our mismatched fears … understanding turned to scorn
I can’t blame you, no, I can’t …
Winter whispers around my door … ‘truth wasn’t enough’.
but then mine wasn’t love … at least, not like yours …
you were right about so many things
I still can’t find out why it didn’t rhyme
You had everything I could’ve wanted
I keep remembering you said it … and you are fine
I can remember talking to you … you could make me high.
Your passion was the best of everyone I’ve known
with your flame we both could fly …
we laughed … the waitress thought us newlyweds
My friend, I love you as my friend, my lover
but I can see as clearly as the next
this time you’ve made up your mind
and my world will be much the emptier
and its such small consolation … that I never lied.
gallagher
Long Beach
12-05-78