As Kathy lies sleeping
I’m caught in such a storm of Karma and learning
and of anger and jealousy and fear of being alone
that I hardly know what I’m doing or saying
from moment to moment.
Sometimes I wonder if I’m indulging myself;
if I could have better control if I tried
but then I think, “The energy has to go somewhere,
you just can’t sit on it”
Lise’s loss is becoming acceptable
and now I’m locked into a battle
of love and insecurity with Rose.
Loving Rose who has unselfishly helped me
through every storm and hurt
that Lise spawned.
I rake Rose again and again with my insecurity
and its demands; I’m trigger edged
at any mention of Jack and his intertwining
with my family and our friends.
And all of this … all of this by my own hand
with Lise’s help.
I want Rose’s love and security, as it was,
but I’m so deeply afraid it may never be the same.
My love for Lise may have broken that deep bond
and now the best I can have
is a world where I’m loved
if I can tolerate Jack’s presence.
gallagher
22 dec 85
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —