SamadhiMuse

      This man is a friend
      who satisfies my mind (as few have)
      and communicates with me so well
      (though we're of different pasts)
      This man offers me pleasure
      And I, a woman,
      ponder complexities I feel.
      My body eagerly remembers and imagines
      While my mind - no, more than my mind,
         something in my heart and soul -
      Reminds me there's much more involved here.
      Than Bodies.
      Something inside me seems to whisper,
      "Listen, listen."
      What is it?  I ask myself
      At times before,
      I thought my sense was only fear
      But trying to ignore it brought regret and confusion.
      Suddenly I'm seeming it may just come down to
      Admitting and accepting what I truely feel:
      I have this ideal that is so much more
      than passing pleasure...
      Dare I say what I really want
      Is simply a love that is deep and enduring and true,
      with someone who'll stay around in my life?
      Making love without doubts or hesitation
      Selves meetinbg on deepest levels,
      Each comfortable in the other's caring...
      When I try to accept less,
         part of me wishes for more
         and feels I've been denied
      Do I expect too much?
      But I can't just think about a temporary feel good
      I don't want to be someone's conquest or diversion.
      Part of me will feel I've sold my dreams and said,
      "I don't believe I can have what I most desire."
      Besides, if I give up what's true for me to please someone else,
      I won't be acting from my real self - so
         then how can I believe they love (or even know)
         the "real me"?
      And I'd be giving them the responsability to
         "make me happy".

                                    Joan
                                    11 March 86
?
???dennisPOETRY?3-11#2.JR
I must listen to my own Sense of Things

and not try to force the love I desire,
but believe it will come in due time ...
as I continue to know myself better
and extend to those around me.
This man is a friend who means a lot.
I lke having him close, and
he may not understand,
but I must be true with what I feel
and take the chance
to be met with understanding
(Remembering that I must first
accept what I feel before I expect
someone else to)
Joan
11 march 1986

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
				

            With laughter and patience
                 conversation and gentle touch,
            you coax me to feel again
              making me see it's time for
                 new challenges.
            The months of my learning to be alone
                 stretch behind me
            partly chosen, partly "fate" -
            It seemed I'd been always meeting
                 the "wrong guys" -
            loosing myself in them,
                 but in a way that meant pain.
            It seemed I'd feel so much, but come up
                 empty.
            So, looking for reasons inside myself,
                 I've been seeking peace of mind.
            All my time and all my searching...
            I think my ideas of Love
                 were more about HAVING.
            Me too concerned with someone
                 giving it to me.
            I need the courage
              to let Love be something growing, giving,
                 and free.
            I've been wanting answers
                 but they cannot be demanded.
            And that's part of the challenge of Life:
            How much do we trust Life and our lessons
                 and ourselves?
            You make me feel I'm in a new stage of learning.
            Can I risk?  Can I trust?  Can I give?
                                 Joan
                                 March 19-20, 1986

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —