SamadhiMuse

            My thoughts run and gibber,
            my moods are swinging until I’m dizzy.
            ‘Time will heal all this’, I say to myself,
            Just wait a bit….’
            I talk to Lise and it’s the same with her;
            mood swings, feelings in a riot, confusion.
            Why am I so insecure?
            Do I believe she’s not done with Anthony?
            Do I think she’s not as confused as I?
            Do I sense a future of more shocks?
            She scares me when she says she scares herself
            because she doesn’t know what she’ll do.
            I have to admire her honesty in this, though.
            I’ve been where she is with others
            and I’ve been less than honest.
            I can’t decide if this insecurity
            is reasonable or not.
            She has given me every reason to doubt her
            …and has been unwaveringly honest.
            I remember the women who’ve loved me
            and I remember
            my stainless steel honesties with them
            and how
              I drew their love
                like a moth to the flame.
                                       gallagher
                                       27 Nov 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            Lise has made me see some things;
            after knowing her,
            I realize I’ve been looking
            for the right woman all my life.
            Rose has been for children and family
            and settling and just living;
            and these have only half satisfied me
            and left me a father and a vagabond, both.
            Lise opened me
            to the idea of living in a house together
            and becoming creative, as two;
            working together instead of alone.
            I wanted to write books for her
            and take her to show me Paris,
            write her letters of my travels,
            and have her manage my creations.
            I saw her as an equal, a true partner.
            Now, now I don’t know what I see,
            except confusion and lack of trust
            and this deep feeling that
            it’s not the same for her
            as it is for me.
            I remember my years with Rose’s love…
            she would sooth me and love me
            and then, full of her love,
            I would walk out the door
            looking for more.
            She never satiated me; only gave me security
            so that I felt free and strong;
            able to go out and look for that something
            I lacked but could not name.
                                    gallagher
                                    29 Nov 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

            I wish I knew what to do
              to get my heart back from this place.
            I don’t know who I am anymore
              and I’m not sure what I want.
            Canada seems all gray concrete and rain now
              and overseas is thousands of miles
            from anyone who loves me….
              I didn’t used to think like this.
            Lise, dear Lise, what have you done to me
              or, perhaps, what have I done to myself?
            By loving you as I have
              I’ll always know what I was missing.
                                 gallagher
                                 29 Nov 85

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —