On this rainy afternoon I went to see Lise— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
with a strange and poignant feeling in my heart.
I told her that there had been enough pain
and enough hurt between us
and that I had woken up from a long sleep
trapped in bad dreams of maya and possession.
She’d looked at me when I first came
with a mixture of apprehensive and fear
and I’d hugged her and told her
I hadn’t come to hassle anymore
so she made tea and we began to talk.
I told her that how I’d been acting lately
is not how I really am;
that our love, so deep and strong,
had taken me beyond anyplace I knew
and that I had gotten lost in it,
in the intensity and depth of it,
and had forgotten who I was.
But now, I said, I had awoken could see again.
I said, “I love you and I want what’s best for you.”.
And, in that timeless moment that our eyes
always seem to find, I set her free of our love
and all of its entanglements…
there was more…
the touching of hands, the joy of release,
and the recognitions we both made
seeing those moments unfold before us…between us.
In her eyes I saw a deep amazement
and then a feeling of compassion and love and gratitude
that mixed there as richly as her passion’s warmth
and in my heart I felt some burden lifted from me
and I felt a deep love and peace towards her.
There was a feeling of rightness about it;
I felt that something very special
had happened between us and it had freed us,
had freed us to let our memories
be as good as our love was…
to let us be friends…
to let her work out what her future with Anthony will be
without the aching awareness of my pain
and to let me believe again that love, properly held,
can cut through any pain.
gallagher
02 Dec 85
Archive for the ‘1985’ Category
1985-12-02
Monday, December 2nd, 19851985-12-03
Tuesday, December 3rd, 1985How narrow … how very narrow— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —
the windows we must pass
to gain enlightenment
and how hard and unrelenting
the obstacles.
I remember the first time I dropped acid;
how deeply surprised I was
to find there was not observer
to watch the effects
but only I, lost in the storm.
And now, so hard on the edge
of new growth or destruction,
there is no one but myself
with every nightmare and insecurity
this material world can unleash.
I discover that this ‘I’ that I am
is a cardboard man
made mostly of how others see me
and that my sense of worth and purpose
is inextricable from their regard.
In some moments I’m sure I’ll survive…
and, in others, my despair verges on suicide.
Somewhere Jesus said that it would be easier
to pass a camel through the eye of a needle
than for a rich man to enter the Kingdom of God.
I’ve been rich too long….
Cocky and arrogant, as Lise said,
so sure that my success was
a function of right action.
But now I’ve come to the eye of the needle
and most of ‘me’ cannot pass.
gallagher
03 Dec 85
1985-12-04 December 4, 85
Wednesday, December 4th, 1985 December 4, 85
Sweetie,
So many subdued feelings. Sadness, relief, a
sense of loss, expectations, questions, many more.
I am so happy we parted this way. I want your
friendship, if you want mine, of course. You and I are
so close and so similar in so many ways, it'll be a
treat to see each other change and evolve, to see the
directions we have taken. You can count on my support,
if you ever need help for anything and I can give it to
you, please call.
It is so ironic that only now, you come to realize
that in the future you want with one woman what I have
always wanted with one man! To think that it was the
main difference we had!!!
If I left you one legacy I am happy and proud to
have been the first one to show you how to be in love.
I was thinking about you last night. Thinking
about this feeling I have that your real life is just
about to begin.
So many changes all at once. You and Rose,
closing the chapter, you and I parting, Rajneesh over,
and Canada coming to reality. It's all brand new, it's
exciting, there's nowhere to go but up. You have so
much going for you. And now you are complete, the
finishing touches have been added. I can see the
difference in you, the little boy, the spoiled brat has
matured. Your life has been turned around, it is just
beginning now. Good luck babe. Good luck to me too. I
need it. I'm not sure where I am going. I have risked
everything, but I'm not afraid of taking chances, I've
done it before, and if I lose, I'll just move on.
Babe I love you. I really really
do. keep in touch.
xxx
Lise
— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —