Archive for the ‘Years’ Category

1975-03-18

Tuesday, March 18th, 1975
               Age walks on us
                 burned out dreams, we.
               The makeup's thicker
                 and the novelty's grow worn.
               New thrills come born of desperation
                 and we call this sophistication.

               But neither youth nor this 'sophistication'
                 are any answer.
               And so, I go on to where
                 they both cannot follow;
               by ever avoiding forms
                 and falling into no patterns that I can see,
               by ever leaving what I know behind
                 for that which is both less
                    and more.

                                    gallagher
                                    18 mar 75

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1975-03-20 Summa – 20 March 1975

Thursday, March 20th, 1975
                          Summa - 20 March 1975

      Getting a pattern of what I've been being:
        I've been finding my value in what I've seen
           as my spiritual development.

        Any conversation turns to it quickly with new people.
      I thought it was because it was interesting to me,
        but its for the ego trip of showing off my best!

      I think I'm back to intellectualizing as much now as four years ago
        when I first began to grow with Huxley and Nan and Norm Self.

      In encounter groups I'm honest without being emotionally open,
        with Wendy I'm deep but without showing myself,
        with Dennis Estabrook, I was straining to compare knowledge.

      It seems as long as I'm able to shape other's impressions of me,
        I do, and then I believe what they believe of me.

      But it's wearing thin; this pattern,
        thin enough that Dennis E. saw it
           and I saw it, myself, with Wendy.

      I'm tempted to decide what to do, here,
        but I think it would be better if I didn't.
      But rather just watch the pattern to avoid it
        and so, find my way by elimination.

                                       gallagher
                                       20 mar 75
                                       csulb

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —

1975-03-23 Phones and Showers

Sunday, March 23rd, 1975
                       Phones and Showers
         Gut churned morning
           when I wake and all bets are off
         Cathy said I needed a big hurt
           and Rose obliged the next day.

         "It all just happened", Dennis,
           "He touched me like I usually don't let you
           so I could prove what
           I seldom let you prove to me;
           that I'm desirable.
           But its OK, it was just
           comforting he gave me,
           somehow, it seemed, then, I needed it,
           for your best wasn't good enough."

         No faith when I needed you, but, you're right,
           I was trying to separate us easily
           and play at a bit of machismo too
         and you called my bluff.

         Thank you, I think...
           I'd forgotten how hard
         those single games could get
           but now I should make it;
              no one could possibly kick me
                 that hard again.

                              gallagher
                              23 Mar 75
                              Buena Park

— Copyright 1965-2008 by Dennis Gallagher —